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danne |
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
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well, everything is as it was.. just as bad - or good, however you want to see it.there's not much left.. everyone's busy. nothing to do nowadays.. i mean, sure, there's a lot of crap that's got to be done. work, and projects, and stuff i have to do sooner or later.a lot of stuff. i mean, i need a job, need to get some competitions settled out, then there's project work, and to top it off there's school competitions and crap.. what the. but i just can't get anything done. i can take out that whole dang pile of homework, and sort through every single piece. every one, i tell you.. and there's a reason not to do each piece now. what the. everything that's left seems to be piled up at the end of this whole period of crap. crappier than the normal, i don't know. but it's pretty bad, whatever. there's cyberstudios camp from wednesday to saturday of the last week of the holidays, and there's intensive training that week too, cause Toh has some other overseas competition with RCJ chorale right about now, so he's not in singapore.. for pretty much the entire holidays. huh. lucky buggers, all of them. he's coming back in time for the last week though, so it's full-day stuff all week except sunday. i wldn't go on sunday even if there were any, anyway... then there's that youth gathering... to tell the truth, i don't know if i should go at all... there's no way i can get out of choir practices, not these few.. not until the competition and ceremony is over. what with all the, grooming the next batch of leaders crap/stuff. i don't even know if i want to stay here. there's other stuff i want to persue, that's for sure, and it would probably be for the best if i got started before going to JC, unless i want to make a fool of myself over there - and i don't. but it's provbably more because i don't want to get stuck with this "leader" thing.. maybe it really started since the beginning.. i try not to say much about it, but where else can i say it but to myself down here, lol. clifford and the gang.. whatever. they were really supportive, and blah blah blah, going on about all the stuff, future chairman leader crap/stuff. whatever. it's always cool when they do that, ya know, feels good. how could it not, lol. but really, the weight of the responsibility is coming down... or rather, the realization of the responsibility it's going to be.. i'm not going to be chairman.. not because i don't want to, which i probably don't knowing the circumstances and Toh and everything. i'm not going to become student conductor either, cause i can't match up in terms of musical education when it comes down to that, in comparison to all the MEP (geeks). it's bad to say that of people i know.. but i'm jealous, really. but i never could settle down to music lessons that way.. i mean, it was fun at the start, but after it all, they just made it all to complicated.. haah.. i guess i'm too simplistic, huh. but that's the way i see the world. the only things that are complicated are the things that go on inside our hearts and our minds. either way, i don't know what those guys have in store for me, even aurthur won't say, but i bet he just doesn't know, lol. haiz.. yea, suddenly i started reading books again, like, actually. lol. sitting down and reading. ya know, just to escape the homework.. it sorta makes it feel better to be doing something else.. hm now that i think of it, there's some assignment in that i gotta read some certain books... can choose frmo a list or something, i better check that out, i guess.. haiz. just minor stuff.. i went and whoop, totally cleaned out my itunes library. lol. and so like, my music is all over in all sorts of wierd places in my directory on this computor.. lol.. realy messy. but it's cool, gives me something to do, searching around and listening to old music. it's nice, actually. mostly old songs, even all the way back from P5/6, when we did all the multimedia stuff that was needed around the place.. haha.. not that i was in PA, but the CD's that were BBQed and sent out were done good by our guys and gals.. haha.. real nice stuff. not that i did a lot though.. lol. haha.. not very helpful that time. but haiz, i wasn't quite the person i am now back then, was i? that society was.. quite different. yet somehow it bring back sweet memories.. lol. but they're going.. yea.. "More Than Words"... "That Thing You Do".. and stuff.. haha.. mp3s we just plonked around. BPPS is a dying place now.. in the light of the spirit i saw in the school in the past.. but then again, it started dying when the few batches before mine left.. and i guess us leaving finished it. though, to older eyes, it may seem that the spirit was lost even before we left.. haiz. oh well.. just browse around the web now.. artistes are everywhere now.. in all forms.. stand up comedians, singers, music programmers, etc.. the works.. mediocre, but so much better than myself.. haha.. then there are the elite... people so good, so good.. yet lurking around online.. haha.. but it's a personal thing. but oh, to have such talent.. haiz. megatokyo, applegeeks, all these artists.. just so good at what they do. and it's something i would dearly love to do, had i the gift, or even the capability to produce anything close to what they could.. haha.. then, needless to say, there are people around me who rise above even in the thing i have the smallest claim to. i hear a girl of 17, just burned an album. chinese, i say, haha.. there are so many of them, who just go and burn albums.. the most horrible sounding, there are so many spoofs that i hear about certain unfortunate, foolish people.. haha.. but this girl, just like that, she's going somewhere big. and she's good, too.. haha.. i heard one song of hers. even came up with the words, tho of the tune, i'm not sure.. there we have it, a singaporean high school graduate, just barely, with such capability, with such talet, with such grooming... it's encouraging to see society growing so, yet it disheartens me.. discourages me from my own little path which i tread.. oh well. it's getting late, so says my parents. getting exceedingly annoying.. i can only honor them so much.. haiz. oh, the schedule.. i haven't settled yet. oh well, i guess i'll have to go for training, then i guess i'll go for the youth retreat thing.. but i can only stay till the next morning, so i hope i make something of the night.. then i'll have to leave early for breakfast, then leave for bishan.. training again, then go and conclude cyberstudios camp, which ends third day morning, 10 am, no less.. or i could do something else. enough now, i have to force myself to stop.. my mother personally irritates me mow, her presence in such a form in which she presents it now is ever so irritating, i can't think straight. chow then. 10:52 pm |