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danne |
Saturday, May 28, 2005
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uuuugh... i've got only the worst headache in the world.. at 38.1 degrees... yeesh..it just had to happen at the start of the holidays... well.. i'm booked to go back to school every day next week, for math remedial, seeing as i failed combined math miserably, as well as for bio, cause i have to two-week overdue project or something. then there's cca camp till friday... then joel is flying of to migrate to aussie on friday morning, so we were going to get up early and crash his departure.. yeesh. well, i'm still going to do it... unless they all don't go or get someone to hold me down or something.. joel's a great friend.. haha.. v.. thoughtful. tho it's not always obvious. and he's really generous.. haha. blah blah blah. i think i'll go over and visit him soon, maybe after/during JC or something. haha. then can go down and pay matthias a visit too.. haa... our of contact for so long... i've been missing the gym for like... forever.. ugh. gotta get back soon. wanna retake Napfa in july, stupid pullups made me get a bronze only. sigh... last night was lai ye fang cang, zhi cha yi. yea. differences. CDC performace... it was good, i guess.. there were a couple of would-be screwups, but the actors handled them very well. but somehow, everything i see around me in Singapore can only disappoint.. haha... it's quite ironic. i'm probably disappointing loads of ppl. GPA 2.18. i cld get a 3.6, if i only wld stay in one place and study long enough.. blehh. but i can't. maybe it's i won't, but i'm not doing it. blehh.. if i lose my scholarship.. it wld just be perfect timing man. my dad's getting "retired" from the air force logistics dept. come end of this year, cause he turns 45 next year march. 200 bucks a month... yeesh. where will i go. if it comes to that, hope NUS high will accept me... hah fat hope. i think i can do the O levels. won't be getting 2 or 3, but shld be okae.. lol. oh well. if there's a will there's a way. i've been able to achieve whatever i wanted so far, if only i wanted it bad enough. haha... ... anyway... tt nite after lai ye fang cang.. didn't quite feel like going home. okae.. so it was cause the guy who was going to mrt with me said he didn't. lol. he was saying... "it seriously doesn't feel like last day of school hor." it was almost 10pm.. haha... he was the second guy to tell me that that night. then afterward when he got off at khatib, msged danne and wadya know, she agreed, really. she's booked more or less the whole month, camps and stuff apparently.. i've got lessons for first two days, four day camp, lessons almost every day after, choir, cyberstudios camp during the last week, when i'm planning with the other guys.. what's more, during the week fo cyberstudios camp toh ban sheng will be back from overseas, and then he wants us to go back 6 days all week, 'cept sunday to do intensive training, cause he's been away. nine to six. then there's RCS camp. at the same time. i declare, i'm going to fall sick like a dog that week. it's nonsense. then second week fo term three there's our overseas competition to germany.. yeesh. "you look like someone who plays the piano." "you look like someone who draws." "you look like someone who plays com a lot." --> ??? i'm such a disappointment, ain't i. well, too bad. i'm going to do my stuff, then nobody won't think i'm such a failure anymore. bloody parents. just came back. i'm outta here as soon as i have the cash, seriously. of all the two-faced backstabbers... ugh. i'm almost ready to die, stupid headache. why is it that when you most need someone, you can't go to anyone? all sorts of dumb excuses, this world gives me. you'll hurt them, you will hurt yourself, you will destroy yourself... come on. i fear nothing of death, except that it will be awhile till i see my loved ones again. blehh... and i'll never see some of them. and it'll be all my fault. the irony of this world is disgusting. everyone who're full of crap is made to look so good, and then.. the people i love are admitted to such torture. wt-. give me strength Lord... give me strength to throw down all these.. adherences.. and only save those who i would dare to love. then i just want to go home to you, Lord. riches and life, it means nothing to me. all the happiness for which i could wish lies in being with my friends, in the happiness of us, as one. in you, Lord. in heaven, for eternity. then there will be nothing left to fear, then i can be with all who i love for ever. what more can i ask for, Lord? nothing. i'm going for camp. hm.. math remedial, i'll think about it. bio.. i doubt it. but i'll see. all in time. right now, i need panadol. and.. dare i say it? nope. get me outta here. 7:02 pm |