|archives connections journal|
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the continuous chain
Saturday, October 29, 2005
the girl with the paper heart
died next valentine's
of a fickle fever
that burnt her up
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
•woot. pool fest. clocking the hours.
the only drawback is those machine-tables. screwed velvet and balls that don't come out when the wrong one gets knowcked in, or when some clowns go and knock balls in before we've even set up the rack.
somewhere else the next time.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
•EOYs are over.
a bigger bite of freedom starts here.
watch out ban sheng. i'm gonna make your eat your words.
Monday, October 17, 2005
•OMG... huiqi jie is pregnant siaa.. baby due next feb! hohoho..... happy doooz...
long time no see liaoz, but i tink she was always very happy, haha..
maybe can see her soon.. lol, dun even know where she is now..
aiyahh. either way, here's a chance to test my skills and contacts. can i find a person i know and love in this country? (haha, ur still in sg riight?)
* * *hurhur.. coming back here, most of u maybe dunno what i'm so worked up about.. frankly, i don't really know either.. hahahha... just feeling really. happy. hm.
when i was a kid (reminiscing at 15, huhh. the times.) in shalom, i dunno.. things were always pretty dull. but it was probably just cause i didn't notice stuff, like i do now. but the point probably is, at the beginning, she was.. really nice to me lah. haha, tt time she must have been like, going 20? or nt even? girls' age.. shh.. haha..
maybe in a way i didn't even realize, she motivated me to actually just go and do the best i cld in whatever i had to do bahh. haha.. a lot of funny and embarassing things tt i can remember.. did they even happen for real? lol..
but there's really no reason i can give lahh.. i'm just suddenly really happy because of this news. hurhur. coming at the perfect time too, tmr is 2 of my worst papers.. bio and A.math.. hurhur.. so long as it motivates and doesn't put me out of the mood to study.. haha..
kae lahh.. hahaha. i must be getting delerious. nono. must stop. happiness time is after exams. thursday 12 noon. yepyep. remember this then. or rather.. dunno what. hahahaha
i had better go now. haha.
haha.. nice effort. wonder if it'll work.
things like this hardly ever do.
Saturday, October 15, 2005
•exams time, no matter what stoopid raffles decide to call it.. lots of random talk happening. let's see.. interesting stuff that's happened, in random order:
feng shuo was mentioned on the podium(sure, his name wasn't mentioned, but we know it's him, lol..) for stealing a whole dang tub of ice cream from some guys raising funds.. which got him screwed, naturally.. but that was a while ago, dunno why they decided to announce now. no idea how he did it, they don't really care tt much about their ice cream or they just trust guys too much... aiyahh, with ppl like feng shuo around, can't be too careful one lah..
hols start on 4th nov officially.. think i'll pon once november comes.. cause 1st and 3rd are both holidays.. so dat week is pretty much waste time lah.. dere's talk abt going to malacca wif uncle chew kit and co, he got himself some chalet thingy then they decided to invite me family.. lame stuff lah.. tink go there and stone and try to teach myself to draw again, lol.. tree killing session..
exams here, but really no mood to study still.. just relax and dunno.. i mean, still got study lah, duhh.. =.=" budden.. dunno lah. so far, first two papers basically do last minute work only, da day before den mug a little. and they were quite okae, i think. did better in social studies than i had dared expect. but then again you never know until the results come out..
quite scary actually. feeling more relaxed than i ever have before exams. and i'm usually hanging pretty loose before exams. it's just this thing, okae.. can't never do anything before exams. but mostly don't want to. make it like it aint exams. but know tt it is, den can do better.. exams is like, motivation, cause u know how well u do in da paper actually matters, a lot.. not like daily work..
haiz. methinks i need to change blogskin, if i'm always gonna type so much crap. liddat how to read?? budden this skin is so nice..
aiyahh. once holidays here then stone around and see if i can whip up a nice one.
Thursday, October 13, 2005
•on the way back.. haha.. it never feels monotonous, somehow. looked to the sky with it's gray patch again.
"we haven't spoken in some time.."
"that's because there hasn't been anything that we've had to talk about. besides, maybe now is not the right time for us to speak. maybe it's the time for you to watch me. you've learnt that way before, then you stopped, because we spoke. maybe it's time to start again.."
"but then how do you know about me?"
"... i'm watching you all the time."
Saturday, October 08, 2005
•most people, most of the time, they see what they have imagined they would, they hear only what they want to, "know" what they believe.. what are the senses God gave you for, then? There s no malice.
i am, have been, for.. let's just say, some time. i am. don't need to talk so much crap before me, before others, wah wah young man like you. you don't know what i've experienced, and how i see myself now.. i can say what i like now, but you'll just go on, won't you?
i'll say it anyway. i am, by choice, and without power. that's all.
because i believe those who are truely interested can understand.
Thursday, October 06, 2005
•always hated swimming. huhh. it's like. swimming. what for. i'll swim when i have to to stay alive, man. haha.. it seemed really dumb.. dumber than walking with nowhere to go in particular. when you're walking around, at least you see stuff.. you learn. swimming.. stuck in a pool. what's the dang point.
but i think i kinda get da idea now.. lol.. it's sorta like.. i dunno. track. which i've kinda been doing, kinda, lol. which is probably why i never thought of comparing them. but i guess it's justa kinda training. a different kinda.
been learning sum divin moves, pretty interesting, hehh.. gonna have to put diving on my checklist of things to learn how to do proper now.. haha.. plus gonna see what happens if i try to swim on a regular basis. gotta get faster if i'm gonna whoop at polo next year, haha..
all in all this week is passing too dang fast. EOYs start next friday. 25%.. will it really help? failing.. chinese(howw?? i've been concentrating on chinese over severall other subjects =.="), math(duh.. getting a bit better, cause actually been practicing now, lol.. but only the more recent topics.. amath trig, log, etc..), physics, bio?? and even literature =.=" dunno how i did that one. got 80% for lit last semester, hullo?? why u give me such a pathetic grade this time round??
the bottom line is, i'm doomed. for retention or sum crap. ugh. i dunno how. seriously gotta jia you now lorh.. keep prayin. no way gonna let them retain me man.. appeal and crap. i think there are teachers who will speak for me.. lol.. if that mad cao bo would speak for such a ___ as kiat wee(who actually was the one who kept pissing her off last year, dunno what happen, she got memory loss or something) and get him to sec 3, i think i can appeal my way to sec 4.. just gotta get into JC, then i can get a proper subject combo.. sighx.
this coming year gonna pia. take all sorts of courses. if i can convince those two adults living in dis house to fund me for mah overseas competition next year, then i can use my 1K "si fang qian" to apply for courses loh! so fun, hahaha.. so really hope can lah. or they not happy then fund my classes, i try to earn summore money for da trip.. no idea how much it'll cost, but i think i got 5 months or so to raise as much money as i can, then the rest loan around and then pay back after.. haha.. the people i know are so nice, lend me interest free loan =0 lol.. i better ask different people next year, otherwise so.. what. haha.. seems damn sad case, to have to borrow money to go competition. to represent school summore. and i get nothing except the experience. oh well. i guess experience is priceless, eh?
haha.. this thing turning into essay liaoz. better go and write sum essays that will actually help me get into sec4 next year. chow..
Monday, October 03, 2005
•i got one more thing to say. SINGAPOREANS ARE DAMN IMMATURE AHH!!!1oneone~
finally dropped by sgforums and thought i'd sign up.. i means, forums, discussions, sounds like fun, hurhur and joy. waah.
these people are hopeless.. even by my standards. i don't know how high my standards are interms of common sense capacity, so why am i saying that. huhh.
but the point is, there's all damn shallow. no-lifers, either discussion politics they don't understand, or chatting away about flat-chested girls, lady drivers or secondary school stereotypes. please.
even when they talk about world poverty and ridding it, it's totally immature. are singaporeans really so dumb+shallow? ughh..
i need to get out of this country. not proud of my citizenship anymore. well, not as much as before.
end of rant..
•what're you supposed to do, you know. what the hell do you choose. let the other party think you're some sort of bastard, some useless.. or what? would it really be better to let them know what's going on, then end up thinking they've been really hasty and judgemental, and then they start blaming themselves. these things don't happen. because.. i don't know. which is better? as it is, by doing nothing.. i'm still doing something. either way.. it just seems like it won't feel good.
read about people, and see people around.. form ideals. of what i want to be. i make it realistic; i convince myself, sure, that's possible. i just gotta work towards it. it's possible for me to be that. i want to; i will. but it just ain't easy.. i just keep screwing up. i know i can do it; sometimes i do. i can do it.
but then there are other cases.. i just can't, you know? i don't even know how i ended up here, how it's become such that these things are expected of me.. why? i'm not able to. why can't you see that? you said i don't try; maybe i can't? maybe that's just crap, why can't i try? i don't know. i just can't. i've tried, and i've failed miserably. i can't do it again. call it whatever you want.
things always start to look bad all at once. then suddenly you don't really know for sure that everything is going to be so bad. the bad omens suddenly become ambiguous, start to give you hopes. false hopes? how am i to know. it's not over yet.
it's just not over yet.