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Monday, June 13, 2005
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it's over.. what can i say. fine, it's done your way. and this is the result.. blehh.. i shld never have turned away.. there are things i've learnt. whatever made me ignore them... ugh..
anyway. fine. it's done. it's through. nothing more, nothing less to say.. argh.. everything is falling apart.
month back it was like...arthur and joel were like sudenly, oh, i'm migrating to sydney in the middle of the year. permanantly. until further notice. and it's like, wt-!!! and like, then arthur goes, oh, not going already, parents changed their mind. then joel was gone. yeesh... was so sick tt time cldn't even go to send him off. what a friend i am. heck, when will we ever meet again.. hahahahhahhahhahaa... ridiculous... hm.. then now... arthur suddenly announces to everyone, bye guys, i'm leaving after i come back from the germany competition.. it's like he never even mentioned before that his aprents had changed their minds about going over... and like, poof~, he's going again. and never told nobody, never told me. hahahahahhahaha.... why shld he. i mean, we're only just friends. hahahahahaahha..........
blam blamblam. everything falls down. haha... reminds me of that toy soldiers song. lemme find it...
sighh.. nth can happen for real anymore nowadays. choir's gonna be a real drag with arthur gone.. but i guess two of em were going sooner or later. but it was going to be just next door.. hahaha.. somewhere where we could still meet and go hang out somewhere together, see.. but then, wadya know. God's mysterious ways, eh eh. sighh... what i am doing..
anyway.. i thought about it, and i can't quit choir. seems i'll even have to take it in JC, and stuff.. i need motivation, man. i need something to keep me doing something. otherwise i just stop dead. it has to be of use in mah life.. it's like.. english. i tok kok all the time, as johnny says.. it helps my english, haha.. to and extent. and i write, and i think. haahahaah... in english. subconciously, i guess.. my chinese ain't near good enough for me to put across all my thoughts. of course, there's stuff tt can't be put into words of any language.. not any tt i know, anyway.. but then i only know two. huh.
i need choir man.. or something. some people.. some people who love music just like that, ya know? i don't care if you like classical music, or country, or jazz, or da blues, or any other stuff. i can dig it, lets make music. 'cept hard rock, but that's not the point. i need something happening, something to keep me doing, man.. i'm afraid, that if i quit, there won't be nothing much left... i would have da freedom to stop singing. to stop making music, any time i wanted.. freedom can be scary, man. i can't let that happen. i can't survive in this world alone.. i need people. that's what motivates me, doing anything.
so it seems i'm stuck with ban toh for another 3 years. unless, some miracle appears.. i really hope, ya know? there's a lot of miracles in mah life already, but.. heck. i pray, about stuff, ya know? i believe in dreams. but there are things i don't know, so i pray.
ah. there's nothing left in emto say right now. there's just thing way with it, it just comes and goes whenever. but now there's nothing. so bye..
- friedtunes: - Eminem - Like Toy Soldiers -
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12:51 pm
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