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Friday, April 04, 2008
i'm singing though sometimes •
heavy is the load !i am tirrreeed, what's new. avonne says, welcome to j2 life! haha i feel totally welcome -.- feel the warmth, no, heat of the environment. folks are stressing out about getting a B among the As! augh irritating. xD ah but heck there are more important things xD mm this is turning out to be a grubby little pvc entry, so i'll just let it be. i've been feeling a lot(well not now, now i'm just trying to recall stuff. the whole, men are like waffles women are like spaghetti thing you know), not all good, and somehow it feels like i'm doing the world and my friends a great wrong not being as happy as i could possible be, i'm incredibly blessed, haha. it's been awfully nice, and i know that i really love the people around me.  i guess it has to be a step by little step sort of thing after all, and i shouldn't be surprised, haha. i'm trying not to say it i'm trying not to say it i'll say it once and let it rest forever. i loved her so. but hey! i've been through and out the tall fields where you lose sight of yourself, and i've learnt to keep the knowledge close, that truly i'm blessed to be surrounded by beautiful people. it's the beauty that resonates with the spirit of humanity and resounds with faint overtones of heavenly promise. maybe(in fact highly likely) this is just His way of teaching me. trudging right along, this week has been pretty nice through the haze of fatigue. i want some rest soon, haha. real rest, not just days off. things like- it's hard to say, haha. anyway thanks ruth pam and churchies, upper bukit timah gang and class for everything xD it was all great, haha. yummy japanese pumpkin from suet, and note was a very pleasant surprise. i guess this world will never let me stop believing in the little things, huh! hahahhahaa.. so, through and through it all it's been a nice eighteenth. i felt a little worse for the wear a few days after the CTs were over and the fatigue started to kick in, i'm not such a stamina mugging sort of guy yet. and with no rest in sight, these things that friends have done have made life a little more pleasant that it could have been (: i could say it again! i'm very thankful, haha. of course i'm wistful too. but there are only so many stages of reaction to loss, and i do think i'm reaching the last, the one that allows a guy to keep on living properly. there's a certain balance to the archetypes of personality and remembrance and continuity, that results in me saying what i think must have been trying to say itself - i've accepted. these times have been all about teaching me acceptance, and for better or for worse, i've learnt. i dare say i've always been good at adapting to lousy circumstances(resulting from my own stupidity or otherwise), but maybe now i'll be able to do it without the emotional exhaustion. hah! is that quite juvenile ? damn i keep going on don't i. or it seems so. well maybe i have to get it out, so there. i don't want to make random obscure comments(about it) any more unless they're really meant to frustrate and plant doubt in others, haha, and why would i want to do that? xD but well, i know the feeling too, for example tonight. when i read statements leveled at the anonymous, i begin to fear and question myself - shit, is that me? that is around the lines of what i was trying to do in the past, but - hah! it's not such a pleasant feeling, huh. i'll try to abstain x). so, summary! all in all life has settled down into a mildly fatigued float-along dance into the day with people all around but none too close. i've been doing stuff in a dream, do you remember the story of the boy who truly loved every lady he knew? who could believe that, hahhaha, pity his innocence. hey friendship i'm open, open, give me a minute to catch my breath(wait, how will i find it even if you give me that minute?), give me some suggestion, some impression, some conspicuous indication and i promise i'll try to take it from there. hey! tomorrow i sing! and i'll wake up early to go to school and do chem/math, hopefully. i just know i can pull this thing through, haha. 加油吧, 壮凯! 10:38 pm |