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Thursday, March 13, 2008
smother •
i really love deborah's to-do postits, hahhaha, they make me feel Formally organized, which is more than i can usually say. i tend to just figure out what i generally am trying to accomplish and how, then just make up the details as i go along and the situation becomes clearer. awesome metal cutter sitting there, what if i took my right hand off right now? what would life become? i'm tackling one thing at a time, i said, and CTs don't count, some other self-concept is handling that problem. me, about this issue, 'm screaming AHHHH when i'm looking at you i'm sure- and all i need now is a reason to keep those doubts at bay through the seasons when you're away gosh, please don't keep me locked here this way i paid attention, and whoa, i really do have incredibly fast micro-mood swings, when i feel certain ways about certain little things that happen. this really can't be healthy - but at least i can keep my mouth shut and face silent when i'm sincere in wanting to hide it. or i think i do. sometimes when you're speaking out as a person in a group, there's no need to be balanced about it. each individual contributes to the balancedness, and so long as in your speech you phrase yourself in an obviously open-minded fashion enough to show that you don't mean to offend anyone - you know what a person or people need to hear, just say it, man.. especially when it's just something Encouraging, even if it seems superficial. because sometimes we just need a change in perspective, if even just for a bit; and to know that people believe in you, and to have a little help keeping the mood from degenerating into something too dark and dangerous. maybe that's why for all the philosophical crap and psychological angst that comes out of this mouth, i've had to play the role of the whimsy laughing guy(well now there's no need to, since all the guys grew more sensitive senses of humor after exposure to girls -.-)(en garde! defend yourselves! xD). overdone numerous times, but that was a risk to take.. better than the alternative. nobody should ever be really angry or depressed at the same time as me if we're like, i don't know, supposed to be doing stuff together or are just together. we'll probably just die from it all together, hahahha.. much as i'd perhaps hate to admit it(due to various reasons but maybe one thirdly because of ben low, of whom i must say i've probably had skewed perceptions of because of certain associations), i sort of like this current graduating batch of RV kids. They have the general makings of a certain sort of people that i can really appreciate: good, sensible folk who are innately focused and logical but whom have the most incredible sense of humor and a mature sensitivity towards other individuals. it's far off, and we all have our own goals of what sort of person we'd want to be, eh. but i think i'd be awfully proud if someone could describe me like that, so, eh, even though you all are still far off, you better be damn flattered friedemann can say this sort of thing k! xD yeah that's all. this is like my destress of the day. i've been so tired i haven't even ran since monday, doubt i will till good friday. gonna turn into a blob. hah! gosh, i keep making jokes or wanting to say things that are related to KI class, but nobody would get it anyways. oh well. gosh all this sounds so whimsy. oh well. goodnight! 11:04 pm |