recently
i'm singing though sometimes
the sweeter it grows
how could i not love you?
we're h-h-happening so quickly
hey, that's the theme song to our friendship
choose your getaway car
marmalade fires dancing behind my eyelids
smother
cold evenings in singapore
204
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layout by: detonatedlove♥
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Monday, April 07, 2008
flambé you! •
(distracts self)
i wish i had the time and effort to spare to learn cooking properly.
like, gourmet. not like, just cooking to eat.
order has been restored in the universe, and i officially hate mondays like everyone else does, once more. before i proceed with some blase grouching about, i disclaim!(because we are a disclaiming society, to protect ourselves when we're talking b******t. "aw hey, i didn't say that. not really. i was pissed/fuming/drunk/stupid") i make no claims about the ethical value of these things i complain about! they just happen to be things that set me off. so there.
- i hate it when people ignore me. maybe it's unusual where we live, and we're all expected to go about our own business ignoring everyone else, not being a busybody. it could be. doesn't mean i have to tolerate it quietly. grr!
- i can't stand it when people diss folks in front of everyone. what the hell do you hope to do by doing such a thing? is it called for at all? are you trying to dissuade some hardcore gang leader from returning to his evil ways? or addressing a student in front of his peers? grow a brain!
ok those aren't really very good reasons why i'm in such a bad mood today(and the funny thing is that i can say that i'm in a bad mood, which only goes to show i'm not really in such a bad mood). they're not even the precise/only reasons why, but gah whatever. Welch's 100% and Arnott's country cheese to abate my displeasure. mmm.
in the state i'm in, i have this to say also: i'm fed up with dreams about making a difference in the world, in society. people like to say that, power corrupts, knowledge has ethical value. BAH. i say, no, power doesn't corrupt. people are just stupid. stupidity.. stupidifies. screws up the world. that's all there is.
and there's no way you can get anything done like this.. where everyone's blaming everyone else. chances are we're all going to do something stupid sometime, but noooo everyone's all perfect and stuff(to themselves). i'd sooner live life rich and powerless, to stay out of the whole mess. well, rich isn't the point, the point is blahgah stupid.
no idea where those two paragraphs came from. ah shucks. i'm worried about trip; about being substandard again, about $$$, about studies, about how i measure up, about how to continue doing the right thing. it's nice to believe that He has a plan and will bring me along as He has thus far, but i get a little uncomfortable if i'm not nagging myself about something i feel i should be doing(whatever the heck that is this time, anyway), or not being emotionally charged up about something in my life, i guess. it's not so much about faith as it is about habit.
i'm worried about life, stupid things that kids bring up in classrooms after everyone's left and we've been sitting around doing nothing for three hours, just chatting and doing random things, haha. when the men sit down and talk about life and the future together, it's quite different from talking about it with the ladies. i could live with this sort of pointless musing happening more often, if only to take my mind off other things.
oh, also- i will always be sore about exclusiveness and what i feel is failed meritocracy. if we even believed in meritocracy in the first place. or effort put in, or whatsoever similar stuffs. to add to the fire, these are all good people, generally. i try to avoid being reminded about it, and i do appreciate if people avoid letting me be reminded about it as well. source of vast unhappiness/resentment/anger. whatever.
yeah i'm done. gosh. suddenly i feel so alone. hah!
wth.
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5:15 pm
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