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Thursday, February 07, 2008
grandkids by 50 •
(this was just so full of bittergourd that i'dhave i mentioned it before? haha. 今年初一还过得去，虽然大部分是因为到了母亲的娘家见了奶奶。她一年比一年样子变得更健康更开心，it gives me a funny feeling inside. makes me wish that she would move nearer to our side of the island so i could visit her so much more often, that i could talk with her in the hokkien that i don't know and tell her about the inconsequential things we young'uns do with our time and the nonsensical romantic ideas and antics that we get up to that she would tsk tsk tsk about to me all afternoon, any afternoon, and i would only laugh along, hahhaa.. 老父家是另外一回事了。grandfather never lets a hint of what he's feeling get to his face，而婆婆与四五年前比起好像完全变了人似的。或许这就是所谓的 人生一路灾难 把一个人心中 真正是怎么样的都显示出来。但 我对她而她所做的还是又埋怨又是心痛。。。 这就是让我对未来的家庭，有的期望那么无情地高尚的原因。haha. but maybe i'm just romanticizing everything eh? every family has their problems. 还有另外的呐。这是我刚才对自己说的: 万事 都要彼此。这不 是我自己想要的。但我总是觉得我实在是在缠着各位。哈哈! 看我这个样子，真是太可笑了。我的确是太习惯某种方法过着日子了。能怪我无法适应吗。真是可怜。大男子汉一点气质都没。 嗨，真是的 - 意思是，无论你会怎么说我心中还是知道我为何行为这样:实在是太丢脸了。人家生活过得快快乐乐的，这傻脑袋还总是在胡思乱想。我是 过的还可以。hahaha look at me go on and on. the stupid thing about philosophy is how only those who have learned it all, then forsaken it for the simple and honest life are those understood to truly have gone through the process and come out wiser for it. those who "realize earlier before wasting all that time reading long extended monologues about insignificant human thoughts and how it all works" are just ignorant lazy bastards who think they know everything. no, i don't really find kant and nietzsche fascinating, though i could go through their arguments and debates with you all day if i bothered. so judge me. yeah, i'm in a rubbishy mood. i thought the past few days were nice, because of conversations, but obviously my subconsciousness or whatever it wants to call itself has other ideas, and actually these few days have been utterly rubbishy, like that exhibition i went to during the singapore art festival last year. supposedly oh so creative and unique and oddly, cutely-ugly-but-adorably beautiful like the sunflower made from the metal lid of a trash can. with every line and every paragraph i only get more angry at the doubt that's resultant of that. yes, i do think i blame all the doubt that floats like debris in the singapore river and the fish tank of my life on that. so i'm a selfish little idiot who'd rather be self-absorbed out of reality. fsk ! flutterby! _ _ _ _! *. i blame beauty itself, i blame moments. i blame not growing up properly like a real boy. i blame singing. sweat doesn't even water the smoldering grass for a microsecond, cause of the puny frame. there's no kick in breaking things. i don't want to be this way! like a goldfish in a bowl of hot soup, for a brief moment - get me out of this frame of mind, this ugh. no, actually. i'm pretty sure it's just me. God help me. 9:46 pm |