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Friday, January 18, 2008
intimate friendship. •
this is a surprise, because i try not to write on consecutive days.in the last year i'd become a stick-my-neck-out sort of guy. in some ways, anyway. basically, i do stupid stuff that no-one in their right mind would do, and hope that by some miracle it turns out as well as it possibly could. so, so seldom it has. and in the same old areas it just came(no other better expression for this) crashing down. and yeah. it actually hurts, what do you know. and i do hate doing this. seriously. i'm pretty normal, in the sense that i like a familiar scene, with close friends, a comfortable atmosphere, and for the good times to just roll. it's just that in past year i'd realized that i never really had that feeling properly outside the one, or at least not for long enough. what do you call the irrepressible urge to form close, healthy, well-meaning, mature, fun-filled, through and through well balanced platonic relationships with people? i'm well aware of how things are, how the world just is, and things like that "aren't always possible". but there's you and there's me, isn't there. and this is a you and me to whoever would actually come and read this. i've honestly come to believe that everything, all the relationships to be made in the world, all depend on commitment. because i remember what i believed before i was made to think that i'd been disillusioned, and it's hard not to see the beauty in anyone if only you can make yourself take the time, i'd like to believe. insofar as the people whom i've been placed amongst are concerned, it's true for me, anyway. maybe because the choice to take the time wasn't always given to me, but that's not the point. the point is, so much more time has to be taken after that, and it all has to be mutual. if a person realizes he could fall in love with anyone he choses, he can't allow himself to just, make a decision, right? there's only one intuitive criteria for this choice, i think. sometimes, we make bad decisions. i know i've made more than my share. sometimes shit just happens. sometimes it did. but everything to be done is done in vain if a guy's alone, altogether. and a lot of the times it's just hard to speak. 9:53 pm |