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danne |
Thursday, January 24, 2008
in circles, circles •
whimsically: this morning there was talk of a boat show on the radio. your sea-bound dreams are intriguing, 'cause having read such fantastic history(and real, if anyone knows it)the seas seem to grow more silent, sullen as they thrash on, though only empty outlines of true ships ride their foamy maxima. As commercial cargos plow their way through these phantoms' visages via straight curves around this flat world.. a familiar presence on the waters would somehow feed the urge to create a hidden safe haven on a bought isle. there are dreams of riches and pointless living, for aesthetic's sake. It's a plastic beauty i abandon with great abandon.Quite amazingly, i've felt happier than i've been in a long time these few days or weeks, (large)kinks in schoolwork aside. The moments have been unsure of themselves, but i'm sure i've felt more relaxed. before it'd always been like the tragic bloom of flowers in the morning; the dried wilted leavings only good for pressing into mouldy old books that no-one looks at are right there, in the special tint on that petal that the dawning star's first touch puts into my eyes. Foreshadowing. I.. don't quite know what the change is/has been. Maybe i've been given new perspective, or been given back some fraction of my old. What i do know is, when the night's breath hit me this morning at 0030 hours, i too could breath full again. i'd never known the meaning of self-indulgence until the word was mentioned, and you've got one guess as to why. maybe i could be disgusted with the way i would handle things if i was so given the ability to. but maybe leopards can't change their spots, so they can only get used to it already and try to blend in. maybe i'm just not thinking about it, and singing, because i can't think about it. i'm still recovering. to every thing, there is a season. for every purpose under heaven.. there is a time, a proper time. a time to cast away! to bring together. a time to be afraid, to be alone.. to fight! to yeild, to kill, and heal, there is a time, there is a time.. i know, i know. but it doesn't mean that even if things change, i'd stick to plan A. Because certain things don't happen every day, some things i refuse to wait for unless i must, and then some things just draw me inexplicably with some unutterable fragrance. wow that was coherent. yeah, basically i'm good as long as i'm talking with you, or singing with folks, or drawing, or running, or walking. not thinking about myself. still, when you put things into Safe Mode.. it doesn't mean we can't reboot. but it's got to be strong, to touch my heart in its shell and i'll wait for it to come. 10:05 pm |