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Friday, December 28, 2007
faith and blush •
i was just Googling the meaning of "quintessentialising", and in the very page where i found it i came across the definitions of callipygian and zaftig, which just reminded me of *ahem* some when we begin talking about random things that happened or will, about life and the world and things that shouldn't be able to get much more cliché, it's unusual that i can walk away with a good feeling at all. and how the words don't become cold and reserved and vague and everyone's afraid. and how it's not impersonal anymore. it's a good feeling.. special people aren't real, because they are only after you experience them, and you make them so for you. maybe it's got something to do with how boys can ask for kisses but never hugs, but sometimes people happen to need the same things. it's a world out there. it's true that a lot of the time, you only realize certain things when you sit down face to face and begin talking, talking about one another and yourself. it's also true that sometimes some things need to be a conscious effort, because in the end it's all for the best, no matter how others feel about it. there are many things three or four or five people could talk about, but so little time to sit down over it. but we knew that already.. priorities are such nonsense that i'd almost cease to believe in them. i do know that i blink from one picture to another too fast sometimes. facades are not only seen by others, but experienced by yourself, more importantly.. a lot of times things are felt and you decide that things are so, though there are so many other possible ways to interpret the situation. so few people really communicate, as cold as a word it is. so many people speak, but so few talk. this is an abrupt end to this year, and in one way at least it seems like the new year's come already, fresh with new issues. reality and work has yet to hit back since beijing, and so little seems to have been done.. paper and concrete have to be hammered out, but tomorrow i think i'll experience the archetype i hope to if i can. these two years.. or rather this year. has been so much more trying, without the one more lifeline. it's true, even though you want something so, so much, and would give yourself for it, people will conspire and the middlemen don't understand your passion. but i believe they're saying, you've said, he'll get over it. of course i will, of course we will. but only because the only other choice can never be an option, because there are things left to be done, and though i cannot do them, i have to try. i don't know what's going on with you, because i don't look in a mirror very often. but the water's been a little clearer where i'd been on vacation lately, and i've reflected a little when it calmed down enough so that i had that bit of time to breath. and from now on, i know, though i don't see, at least to some extent. maybe it doesn't work, maybe it doesn't seem right, doesn't fit your archetype, but in the end i think i cannot care so long these things aren't so and you're ok. because i think i'm past searching for archetypes to live out, i want to experience a better one than any ever experienced. 12:16 am |