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danne |
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
you old has-been! *gasp* •
there will always come a point in time when everything has already been said, i suppose, if people aren't really into one another's lives so there are always recent happenings to talk about, so we know each other so well a mention of the news can escalate into a two hours discussion about city planning or the weather, with no hard feelings.the thing about dreaming out loud is that in all likelihood if you're unable to motivate and actually get stuff done you're just a pile of fluff, and nobody can appreciate that. i know what i suck at too. although it's been said many times many ways, i'm gonna not care and just try to do something now. i'm tired of trying to look top down and consider everyone perspective and try to decide what's best, how we can salvage something. maybe it's time i woke up and saw there was never a we..? i can't do this sort of thing.. i'm just a single kid. that has so much more than a dual meaning. 翻开日记, 整理心情my mind is calm but my ball of spirit yarn is all mussed up and trying to untangle it just gets me so AURGH that i have to take my deep breaths and sit down by the pool to meditate again. i figure i'll just do my little and i'm done.. people obviously have other priorities, or something, i'm trying so hard not to step away and go chasing more lively butterflies like psychologists say it's in my brain's hardware to do. i hate to admit that my doubts are THIS big, but they are. in a way it feels like i'd be trying once more just for the sake of it, the more i think about it. i don't want to walk away, and i say that in this sort of self-contradictory way, with the implications of saying "i wish i didn't have to walk away", but considering that i don't actually have to. but the fact remains that these are such awesome people, i've said it since i knew them, and they are, it's just.. stuff. sigh ok yeah. what else is there. hm yeah basically rotting away, going awfully slowly can you believe i haven't even finished the tys yet? muchos pathetico oi, but it's like i'm breathing wool, the air just hurts, a little much. i haven't started on the IS. KI is suddenly such a guilty pin that it's grown into a full sized steel dirk poking up my gut, every time i think about the mini-IS another pint of blood drains away.. and commitments, designs, plans. i haven't even called huiqi yet. but that's another thing i suppose.. it sort of wasn't that i didn't have the time. i guess i was afraid, of.. stuff. um. past few days. i keep having architecture books on me that go overdue, it's like post read-8-a-week syndrome, they sit there on my pillow and on the carpet by the white bear that needs a bath, without being read. BE READ, ?*#&@! standard chartered run was ok, weather was awesome, blah blah i really don't have much to say so i just talk about the weather. timing was below expectations, but not by too much so i'm ok. it was just 10km after all. i said i'd train these hols, but i haven't really. full marathon next year will just have to see how.. what with having to delay taking SATs cause of wretched full exam venues, what with our kiasu batch chionging and koping all the places, CT2s clashing with the May exam dates, and coming back from overseas competition right about then. just perfect, eh. so yeah, next year will be some bomb, but twas expected, i just wonder if it has hit me yet. sometimes you really can't tell these things. sometimes you think it's hit you already, then it hits you again, and you're like whoa? i thought that'd happened already? and it's like, shit i'm getting way more than my share of déjà vu in this lifetime. seriously. i get it far too often for it to be normal. like, as in, compared to the normal amount of déjà vu a person would normally experience over a given time period. is there even such a thing? there must be. when there's not enough time, it always flies by faster.. stupid murphy. anyway, today jetted down to BPP to get a flu jab 'afore flying off to china next wednesday, went to IMM after that and noteably got a damn nice sport coat at an awesome price from samuel & kevin, that place is so going to become another one of my pet places to get clothes. not that i've many. tomorrow gonna see if i can ugh ugh ugh self-motivational power! and get up and run even though i don't have to go to school, lol been a while since i ran out here, can't stand vehicle exhaust but hey you can't grow a running track on the field by the expressway. i would run at bukit batok's track, but will be er overshadowed, literally? by some NS hardcore training club that has its base there or something, not sure if public's even allowed to use, it's the place that had the office in a broken down shed to sign up for the standard chartered run. oh then after that there's Archifest @ City Hall, gotta check when they open. and some other art exhibit there. then meeting yongfeng and wenyi at harbourfront to (finally) check out the swedish architecture school/firm(not sure which) thing going on at the atrium there. maybe have starbucks again, bizzarely nice to sit down and drink and talk about nothing, lol. then off to NUS for lecture by some architect dude/dudette. oh what fun, architecture day. oh and perhaps do a little shopping on the way. still haven't got that black buttonup. i have half a mind to just use the military shirt i have, lol. what am i supposed to do with a plain black long-sleeved collared shirt when i'm not performing? guitar has been growing dusty in the corner, so much for appealing to that unreasonable senseless fetish girls these days have for classical/acoustic guitar-wielding blokes. on a more personal level it just sorta bugs me extremely such that bug is no longer strong enough a word to use that people can actually have these sorts of things on their list of desired attributes. well hey, i hope whoever she is is damn sexy and sings up a storm and is some sweet fashion designer who isn't the typical bimbo fashion junkie, but i don't write these stuff on my santa's list of babes. whatever. i don't need to know these things about your dumbass shallow fantasies. especially not when you're hitting on me going overboard there. no i'm not really tired.. hungry maybe. been trying to sleep early. yeah, would it been extremely dumb to say don't bother reading the small print? i guess so. people always assume stuff is reverse psychology nowadays, plus they go, hey, why'd you put it there if you didn't want people to read it? venting, stupid. don't read it. 10:21 pm |