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Sunday, March 18, 2007
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there have been times where it's been weird, to some extent.. yet somehow it just can't be anymore. i've never came out and admitted it myself before, but.. somehow i just don't give people that chance anymore. i'm still willing to believe in people for everything, that they can be anything i dream them to be, but it stops just there. maybe you know where i'm talking about.
i know it must seem stupid to just be this way about something in the past, but a lot of things i do don't have that much reason behind it actually. it's been thrust upon me, but i have to admit that, well yeah, now that i stop and examine myself that way, i do make a lot of decisions based on intuition. but somehow it's been right, most of the time.. but i can't help but think about things that i may have missed because i just believed i can't.
it's not that i want to distance myself from people, but somehow even when i try, when i'm in a group like that, i seldom develop what people call a close relationship.. i don't think i know exactly why this is how it is when i'm not trying to do anything or be any way in particular, but it probably is my fault anyway, because a lot of times i just don't take action. just waiting.. waiting for nothing. i guess you would tell me to snap out of it if you could, wouldn't you.. haha. ah shucks.
it's just, fear. i know it's wrong to believe in a time to come when things will be in place for better things that if one takes action now, but somehow i think that there just may be such a time ahead.. though, not to say that we should just stay stagnant now. it's just that, come that time, we had better take some decisive action. because i don't want to miss out on all that we can be.. i know that believing, desiring, dreaming for too much will most likely give me a harder fall, but it's something i'm willing to sacrifice, to achieve all that, someday.. and i do believe i will. i don't say much, because, the way i live now, it's a very personal relationship.. i don't have anyone else that close to share it with, but my Father is always there, and i know it. everything i do, everywhere i go, i hope i'm doing the right thing.. and i know i can do anything, if only it is.
there are thing that i don't want to repeat over and over, because i think people don't want to know it, because there isn't really any reason for there to be people who would want to know it anyway. but i repeat over and over to myself, the things that i belive in, the things that i admire, and the things that i want to achieve. it's a very selfish way of thinking, perhaps.. but in the end, that's how it all works out.. because in the end, the reason why i, at least, want things for people, is cause it gives me a certain feeling, anyway. right or wrong, who can say.. it's only love.
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3:49 pm
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