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danne |
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
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on things not thought about since.watching things, one gets that feeling.. when someone whom one wishes the best for, changes for the better.. watching someone grow up, in a sense, become more mature. or so it would seem. and i don't quite know what the feeling is. satisfaction, sincere best wishes.. but is there something more? the question marks, that i daren't write even here. going about the things one must in life, and taking a moment, plucking the courage to do something stupid, and when it somehow works out as desired, or better, that feeling.. don't quite know what it is either. happiness, put simply.. joy from your joy; i hope you gained as much, at least. but.. something more, definitely.. the question marks that nobody can really answer. it's in the past. if anything can happen now, it's in the future, and that's another occasion to take the risk, and just go for it.. and hopefully, it'd work out.. hopefully. may the day come sooner. walking and thinking.. one doesn't quite know what to think of people around. surrounded by geniuses.. superior intellect. it's quite overwhelming. so many surprises from unassuming people.. but it's my fault for expecting less; why would any of you be worth any less? yet.. sometimes.. it's like being surrounded by children. grow up, if you please. if not, oh well. that's the alternative path, i guess. perhaps you would say i don't have the courage to try it; but do you have the strength and capacity not to take it? talking to people.. sometimes it's like not talking at all.. somehow it just isn't enough. there are thing that just need the right timing, the right atmosphere to talk about. it just isn't there, ever. i'm with you, becky.. i want to go away for a while, but i want to bring so many people with me, a few at a time.. just to be able to talk. sharing unique experiences, it can't but bring people together.. shallow relationships are so disappointing, sometimes.. i don't know. i just can't bring myself to continue. if shallow's what you want, then shallow. i'm acquainted with many people; a lot of people know who friedemann is. if that's all that can be, then so be it. i'd look until i can find. haiz.. does nobody think that real relationships are possible with many people in one's life, rather than just the one, if at all..? on happenings. while the O level results are out, one still awaits results from certain people on certain stuff. renaissance, for one.. then the question of CCAs. chior exco? council? fencing? entre? LDCS? -i'm a fool, in that.. i'm sorry i've disappointed. i never should have waited that day at the gate. i should just have gone. everything really is always moving here. it's so hard, trying to keep up.. i'm barely maintaining my distance behind everyone else. hopefully the one week coming will allow me to catch up.. but as PW comes into the picture, and KI gets serious.. i just hope i can manage. encouraging words from an unlikely source(econs tutor), and unintentional, surely.. haha.. one is hesitant to believe, but if such a one would have such a notion that scholarships to non-english speaking countries are easier to get than those to english speaking.. well, i guess i have a little more reason to hope. but time is so scarce, and i know not who to ask for advice or help.. is there even anyone..? on things to come. it's hard to say if what's happening may be called settling into schedule and monotony.. but if it isn't, then the excitement is likely to continue, and continue.. haha.. there are just always too many things happening. i just hope i remember all that i need to. tight schedules, so many things to be done.. before i know it, it'll be off to NS.. so many things that need to be planned for, be they short term(these 2 years), after that(uni) or the more abstract future.. ho hum. i supposed there isn't really anything to think about for the last; there isn't anything to grasp onto, to build upon. it's just as well; the former alone could give me a headache it i stopped to think about it properly. just gotta keep moving and doing.. for a moment in plain english, it's really sad that we get to spend so little time with our J2s.. particularly those in choir; i mean, those are the J2s whom we know the best now, anyway.. time's just too short, one just wants so much to find some excuse to keep people together even after we go our necessary ways, but.. one does fear failure in this sense. to fail would be.. somehow, worse than not to try. haiz.. what to do. oh well. as usual i'll just stop thinking and leave you all in the middle of nowhere.. haha.. goodnight. 8:28 pm |