recently
the man i constructed in somewhat obscure prose on...
a lot that was meant to be said gone. curse or ble...
on things not thought about since.watching things,...
shucks. this stinks.admission fees+4 years undergr...
who was it who said, there are two sides to everyt...
the humblest of cameras capture the most special m...
last sunday. hurtling along the road in that creak...
sometimes i'm just too trusting. on a separate not...
alright, i give up.auditions are over. i just walk...
random thought: i just realized that i feel more c...
|
please leave a message, after the post.
|
archives
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
|
the continuous chain
danne
grace
valerie
drop the fork!
jiamin
fiona
yinC
becky
ruth
yingyi
xinyi
peiyi
sokyin
amanda
pamela
brenna
tammy
rowena
raffles voices
kwoks
ahguan
rjchorale
wenhao
ruth
huilin
nikki
avonne
gen
suet
mermaid
wenyi
deb
joelle
royce
08S06S!
layout by: detonatedlove♥
|
Sunday, February 25, 2007
•
the truth is, i can't handle what i'm being made to think about. frustration - i could lay about me with great blades to try to get it all out, but i know there would be no end to it; there is no reprieve. yet, why am i allowed to be this way? and they say there's a reason for everything. sometimes i just don't see it, however much space i give for my own ignorance.
the truth is, i'm incoherent. i don't even fully understand what's going on, what i'm thinking; how could you expect me to express it clearly? i could say anything now, but i wouldn't be able to express the whole picture. i'd just be showing you an incomplete image, giving you the wrong impression of what's going on. misrepresentation that nobody can help. i could talk on and on about what i mean to put into this paragraph. about what's really the whole problem. but i won't. because i don't know how.
the end of it all, as far as i got, is that there is no cure. if you had one wish, what would you wish for? something that you would even admit yourself to be frivolous, just to use the wish; something 'for the greater good', that would solve one problem but leave a of multitude others just, there. what if you had unlimited wishes. could you achieve what you want? you cannot even know what you want. can you make yourself happy? the only true happiness known to man at the present is ignorance, and from our standing, ignorance is still negative and undesirable, despite the escape. but that's the whole reason; because it's merely an escape, not a solution. but what if there is no solution?
i'm sorely tempted, now that i've begun, to delve into it all. belief, reason, who are we? what are we looking for? why do we? but i wouldn't be able to. maybe yesterday night was the last straw. ever time after something like that, and only after something like that, i question my pursuit of the eternal and the present. the present matters because it is now, and the eternal matters because it will always be. so the answer is to find the best of now, and make it eternal. but things don't work that way.. there isn't anything. there is no perfection. how is it that i am an idealist? or an idiot? what is the difference? everything that exists is separate; the differences are so insignificant, yet they matter so much. everything is both things at once; good and bad, true and false, friend and enemy.. nothing makes sense.
in the end i get nowhere. people will attempt to make conversation, or say that it's too deep, or too confusing, or that it makes no sense. or people will try to console, say not to think so much. or just read and keep quiet. basically not know what's going on. not that i'm in any better a state. in fact, the only difference is that it's happening to me.
i said once i could never wish myself out of existence. perhaps something could change my mind now. if the stereotypical adult who begins to question life comes ends up in a state of resignation, then the state of the youth who begings to question life is not angst, but avoidance. can't afford to think.. because.. why? no, cannot afford to ask. because the state which people describe as angst, in it's truest form, can only lead to inexistance.
0 comments
8:52 pm
|