finding the strength

可是你飞不掉, 你不肯离开。是我不让你离开吗?

today i saw you. it's been a long time, a long time after nothing. like it has been with so many people. i could give the same excuse, i could say that it's because you remind me of someone i loved. someone i still love. someone who's not here anymore.

but it's not true. it's because you remind me of you, because you are someone special. because i saw you, and i thought of the thoughts that you might have been thinking all this while, and all the things you could have seen whilst you walked this world and i wasn't there with you. all the feelings you might have had. all the things i don't know about you, and don't dare to ask. it's not my place, i tell myself. it's not my place to do a lot of things. i'm just, me. i can do so much, but it's just not my place to.

please, take care of yourself. nobody knows what you're going through like God, and nobody can give you much advice that's of any use on purpose except Him. but people are still there, and friends are still there, and please, talk to us. all we need in this world is assurance, and reassurance. but we'll never get it, because we'll never know so many things.

i would have asked your sister. might almost have. but it turned out it wasn't my place either. so please take care of yourself. maybe, one day, when i find the courage to talk to and try to support people who i don't already understand, you can find the courage to find encouragement in people who might not understand your problems. but the friends, they still care. maybe it's not the understanding. maybe it's just the caring. maybe, huhh.

i don't understand a lot of things. but i want you to know that i care anyway.

and to some people, i know that you don't understand. but i'm glad that you care, anyway.
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11:48 pm