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danne |
Monday, March 20, 2006
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people are hard to think about, some of the time, and after tt day, haha.. don't know what to think, so just stop.anyway.. thinking about the future.. seriously. what will i do? so dumb. want to study this, study that, sing sumore. architecture.. hm. i want to build. and doing this year's project, i think tt i may have found just what. but nth's really for sure, is it.. i like the island life. haha. really. i know i think a lot about going abroad, and stuff, but it's really because of the novelty. it's like courtship; it'll pass. that's how it'll be, i think. i really like it here. haha.. it's just that things are a little ex, but what the heck. it's home, and seriously, it's a darn good place to be. that's how i feel. hahh. everything is so nearby nowadays anyway.. just need a little time and money, and the motivation.. all can be saved up, over time.. motivation? haha.. i think that comes from people.. and i think people who can motivate are everywhere. yeah. cause all of you are all over the world, no? friends who are willing to drop stuff and go wandering and messing around the world with me; and all of you, all over who i don't really know that well. maybe someday we'll meet (again). i think about school, and what's coming up.. haiz. i'll make it through this year, but i'll have a horrible record.. one of the bottom of the level, suck at everything.. i don't know. i've made friends too. with people. learn stuff.. learning really is the best investment; that you can make for this world, anyway.. haha.. hm. but i'm not going to get into the course i want.. i think i can come to accept that now. there's no KI for me. i'm going to be stuck doing 7 subjects while they're all doing 5.. haiz.. at least for the first year, after that i can drop chinese, but.. i don't know. a guy gets to wondering if JC is really the right route. but i want to study architecture. i've thought about backup loads of times.. people are always advising me, great, you know what you want to do, now get a backup plan.. haiz. can i not? i have to do this. i've never really done backup plans before.. i get what i want. haha. i just have to try hard enough. and if i don't, it just goes to show that i don't really want it.. haiz. or that i've accepted that i can't. or that i think so. JC.. i just hope i'll survive that. seriously. 2 years.. methinks NS will be bliss. physical training just can't match up to all these, can it.. too much stuff. but i got to get through JC but good.. NUS e only place u can do archs in sg now.. nt sure abt james cook.. and seriously, i'm nt thinking too much abt scholarships.. i'm far from good enough. i'll take out a loan or something.. like everyone else does. hahh. freak all these expectations of past achievers tt i have to meet up to. i can't, but i'll do what i can. time is lagging.. i can't concentrate on studies.. i don't know what i'm concentrating on. people are wierd.. "thy son would fain ask them.. but for fear that there would be friendships lost.." that's what's to fear, really.. not knowing each other well, how can one ask about any of such stuff? singing is also dead. as it looks my parents will give a crud about nothing except schoo work, and as i'm not doing well, and prob not ever going to be doing too well, i can't really progress there.. i've gotten a little better over the year, but.. only rangewise. i suck. choir sucks more.. haiz.. i noe it's attitude and wrong and stuff, but i just gave up today. the com stayed back after choir. prob discussing abt me as some footnote somewhere.. bad influence on the juniors, what what. but they really just aren't doing the music justice. haiz.. but even to say that is taken as arrogance. what can one do. you ask me, what should you do? right back at you. but my problem is somewhat different, i think.. i don't know where i'm going in that part of my life. i don't know what i'm doing. i need more time.. at one shot. but all these damn assignments.. even pushing them aside for the whole hols doesn't solve the problem. they're still there. even if they aren't done until the last minute.. they still remain and haunt. and to finish them up at the beginning.. let's just say it wouldn't just take the beginning to finish them up. too busy, too much time spent on things that are so insignificant regarding the future, regarding things that matter.. i pray that i make it thought this mess somehow, and if i get out the way i think it should be, i hope that i never get stuck to work.. there's building and designing, but then there's being there with you. all of you. just being there, together. that would rock. 11:03 pm |