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danne |
Wednesday, February 08, 2006
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or not.lol.. it's not really the bible in 50 words at all, but it's interesting. dreamt again. those kind of dreams when i wake up and i feel i know someone better, but the truth is all i know is what i felt about that person subconciously or otherwise.. and deep down i know it, but want to deny it. want to make the closeness real, but what's holding back? pure foolishness? people declare that, make known your feelings, because you may not be alive tomorrow, and neither may they. but it's difficult to do.. for a lousy reason awkwardness holds one back. fear. of many things, rejection and difference in heart besides. at the same time at loss of how to feel.. facing the glad hypocrisy of one whom i care about. maybe it wasn't hard to imagine, but is guilt mine for not guiding? so much for "brother". but such things are so subjective. who can say they aren't a hypocrite in some way or another. it's hard to say. perhaps it's simply cause the observer sees more. on the more mundane side of life.. what is there to say. school is boring, clearing the projects one by one; for now, faster than the teachers can mete them out.. but for how long? and even as i clear one of the other, a bunch of others are all due at the same time and all demand immediate attention. huhh. oh. i grew one whole cm in a year. officially 172. blahh. feels like i'm shrinking. everyone's going towards the 180s. fed up with my shoes. no more of those lousy things. i'm running in school white from now on. even those are better than those pathetic things. still need a bag, want to learn electric, but from whence comes the equip? aucoustic first, they said, and so i do. drums are planned to follow; details are conviniently avoided deep thought. camping is found to be illegal on st. john's unless you pay a few hundred dollars for a couple comy nights. music supply is cut, want to get a new phone but the nice ones are so ex; typical. truth or dare whilst "doing project work", nobody bothers to ask personal questions, cause nobody in school really knows my private life, and etc. haha. mystery, no. leads to wierd feelings sometimes. overambitious in planning spending, reluctant when the time comes; future projects demand attention, discouragement from being forced to compete in the under-19 category. not much a chance of coming close to winning? too bad i'm born so early in the year. trying anyway. looking for backup plan. hurhur. cable about to be cut aloneside internet; i don't watch much TV anyway. it'll keep david from wasting some of his time, maybe, but he'll probably find other ways to waste his childhood away. hahaha. ain't i sounding like an old man already. valentines approaches facing nearly as much apprehention as christmas, but it'll pass. it's only been 2 years. freedom is not always as much as they put it up to be, but one gets on. many people's birthdays approach, not so many of which one is close to; but of course some whom undergo invisible concern.. sadly? would it be better for either to know that one cares, and one didn't know? people don't receive this kind of information easily, and it's not easy to give. regret will come later. is that good or is it bad. hopefully acing philo; looks like i'm going to be stuck with 2 more subjects than everyone else in JC anyway, thanks to chinese and my inability to take KI thanks to all the teachers conspiring not to let me get my GPA of 3.4 this year, despite "phenominal improvement in you work", quote math teacher, also form, mr beng hong. planning to take on too many CCAs in JC already, and more or less break too many committments. everything everywhere demands money; i have to pay to buy my own time now, only to be forced to use it to do schoolwork. the CEC is invested; the batch actually sang the institutional anthem outside of the now demolished hall. a step forward? mrandrews commends. that must be about all for now; running out of random comments to post in random order. also running out of ideas of how to randomly arrange random comments. paradoxical/oxymoronic previous statement? defendent decines comment. rediculousness of article increases exponentially, especially since author in concern publishes pathetic spelling errors, adding to list of failures, including especially well-publicised "u fail math ah??" "yea." "oh." even lamest comments have run short; author supposes that he should shut up now. sister demands help in maths. author figures he had better help himself as well; high weightage test on friday. departing now. just when i though i had broken off writing in the third person. stupid. 9:52 pm |