tell him how you feel, tell him what you think tell him how it is when you're on the brink tell him when you're down, going round and round and he'll do his best to make it right, now
i'm sorry for how things stand between us as of now. it's like our relationship has held strong through silence and distance and reduced time spent together; it's not supposed to be that way! i'm supposed to spend all the time, the words and heart. but belief is a coherent structure, even if it isn't drawn out on a sheet of paper in my back pocket. why can't i just be disillusioned and get on with life? how are accquiantances around me becoming disillusioned with life and yet appearing to keep the faith. it just doesn't seem to make sense to me.
talked with teach about double degree-ing in the future. i just thought, since i'm degenerating, why not make it an art. take it the full distance - with my shitass grades, if i make it into Todai(or where-ever,) and somehow have the $$ to finance my studies, why not just take the Architecture and Engineering double and have absolutely no life. from too much to none at all. it'd be the sensible thing to do if i'm going to be a stubborn arse and not make things better for myself. been moving from alone to not alone to more alone than before to so, so alone. rather than spending time doing nothing, writing crap, drawing rubbish and moping about in between people who are preoccupied, just work loh.
i'll even be the postmodern man and take part time Law after that if it strikes my fancy then, hahha like some asian feller down under who goes, HI! i'm an architect-doctor-lawyer ya'll. yeah, then i'll be able to curate or sth. what the heck. I should just work and spend more time with Him. what else is there? i've most likely been trying to go about this all wrong. ever since 4 years ago.
i don't see music in my future anymore. musicians, even hobbyists, have to be the most consistently fickle and spiteful artists. it's all about manipulating and cliquing and living at the expense of other's happiness, as i see it; and i'm in talk-rubbish mood. why are you angry? go punch a tree if you want.
He holds me firm and secure whether i rise or fall
