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Thursday, February 28, 2008
you know what i mean. •
 when i look at you in the eyes, be it "the heck is wrong with you, bringing your girls here to have games where we're studying, just cause it's sunny out and the darlings need to stay cool and protect their skin?" or something more. iiiit's been a good week. i summarize the feeling here, ok? like i said(or i think i did..?), i've gotten quite a lot of work done, in the past week. not exactly sure when the run began, but i've been clearing things out of my file more rapidly than usual(perhaps it's cause they're all old tutorials and the flurry of new ones makes my unconscious mind nervous, hm?). i've done more math now than in any other period of my life, i think, hahhaha. finishing a physics tutorial some afternoon alone in my classroom(cause annoying J1s were using the chorale table and no-one was anywhere in sight or hearing), i put down the pen to wipe my face and reach for a stapler. i can't be sad anymore, somehow. i can only laugh softly to myself at the little meories that pop up in times like this. how annoying, haha.. mm. semi-late bus rides home have a different affective archetype, that i kinda like, actually. getting on at 8, and at nine-thirty, taking a slow walk down a mottled, (fuzzy streetlamp-glow yellow) and (water-in-the-dark black) road 1/3 the way down a homey hump of a hill that houses old memories that don't seem to want me anymore. for how long more can i be a student in uniform standing with my pack and file singing in the night outside the bus stop sheltering dotted outlines of old men and girls? how long more can we be lame dudes singing into the night on the piano and mike in the LT in the school with the crutch sitting by seven-11, no-one wants it, really, and the clock says 8:47 - time to go home and eat dinner. no island creamery for you, the rest of us aren't here. i press forward when that song comes around, really. the more i see and reflect, the more i don't understand what on earth.. i saw in it at all. i'm not angry, because i'm at peace with myself now, remember. in the general sense, anyway. but i'm, miffed? at the emotional energy spent. there was something that was worth the energy, but this, i have doubts now. i'm not melancholically attached to the song in other news, the little things. one, old habits die hard. two, i strike you off the list. three, nicole quah as KI teacher was a relaxing change, she's quite cute, hahhaha. four, i realize that if i check in after CT1s i'll have to take NAPFA later in the year. damn. think i can do well in napfa and get it over with despite this stupid ailment? then go operate after that.. but that would mean operating in late april, gah. affect trip? maybe. but then again, already $$ issues. double gah. art essay that would get negative marks from mr chia, hahha.. well, it's not meant to be a SOVA essay anyway. it's just a, the way i feel essay. not really an essay either if you think about it, so narrative. but i can create my own style and start a new movement! the same way i contemplated a new philosophy of government. will get down to writing it, unlike social paper. society's much more convoluted, doubt i'd ever be up to analyzing, constructing and expressing my concept into a working system properly. when i was younger, back when i didn't have to worry about that, i kinda looked up to those musician-singers who went on to complete their studies in university in whatever they were passionate about besides music, and carry on with their lives. because it just seemed like a sensible and awesome way to live out music and reality: singers in asian bands that never were number one on the charts for more than a few weeks, after getting the experience, earning some cash and getting some limelight, continuing with studies. i remember there was one guy who went on and graduated in architecture, i thought it was pretty cool, haha. and i remember telling her, hey, i can only think of one thing that would be cooler than being able to say i'm a vocalist-architect-teacher― won't you take a guess, as to what it is? 11:45 pm |