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layout by: detonatedlove♥
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Monday, January 15, 2007
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this is weird. i can't understand what i'm turning into, but it can't be all good.. something is wrong. but there's no time to stop and think, i'm just going to have to try to work it out somehow along the way.. i'm behind already, somehow. gah. what is this crap lah. i'm doing something wrong.
jazz audition on weds.. a small hope that it may be a way for me to throw whatever else i have into singing. it's another escape. when nothing and nobody in this world is making sense anymore, i remind myself about eternity and put everyone away for a while, and just do something. music would be good. and a lot of things aren't making sense to me right now..
it's not very good timing either, if i can even say that.. haha.. i'm real tired. physically, mentally, whatever. schedule is out, i'm still trying to make it work.. fit in all the other things i want to do this year into the whole plan. cca isn't down yet.. so it's confusing there too.. gah. maybe i'm making too many commitments. craps..
maybe i'm trying too hard. that's when all the mistakes come in. inexperience?
probably.
i'm falling sick. i can taste it. hahAha.. i just can. craps, too many people and possibilities. judgemental. so is it better to be invisible to everyone, or to be judged?
not to be so negative, though.. there are good things happening, i think. i just wonder how far they'll go.. things and people tend to just walk out on me. possibly it's something i'm doing, or not doing. possibly it's not me at all. so, now what? do you want to find out who is standing before you, really, or just dismiss what you think you see?
it's like i said.. don't presume to know me. i don't even know me, exactly. i can be any one of a few, several less then before. what was it i wanted to say..?
oh yeah. i want to know you, and i want you to want to know me. and i want us to do something about that. and you is a universal set.
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11:15 pm
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