recently
goodbye..
reading your eyes gets harder every day.
~don't need anyone to sing
don't say it, don't say it.
i'm sorry, i suppose i had better explain myself. ...
bring them home.
when i see myself
when i am weak
try to be happy.
the subject doesn't matter.
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Friday, August 10, 2007
KIIS •
scooters, vacation, fall.
sometimes there's really no end to the rush.. dirty, breathless and afraid of recurrence, it still won't go away, not at three AM after all that. i just thought i'd quietly mention how unfair it all seems. i've more or less had enough of, 'always on my mind'. i'm tired of picturing, of remembering. tired of being consumed by this mannish fixation. tired of asking, why. i don't even expect an answer. time and willpower cure all fleshly impulses and stupidity, and everything else as well. but didn't i mention? i'm tired of longsuffering too.
call it a reason for the object of my KIIS, but it's really just a brusque attempt to end turmoil and the search for understanding by taking a stand. it's easier when they just appoint the side you're supposed to defend. haven't i asked before only for the one, so that i needn't think anymore.. i don't know that it would solve anything, truly, but i can't imagine another way out. live it down? it's not in me to accept that; besides the constant thought of man's other, the fixture is, that in youth we are mature enough to take action.
i'm also tired of writing about this sort of stuff. i go on and on about doing only what seems most effective, but it seems like hypocrisy, huhh? i don't want to become all cliché when i start explaining either. but stuff like this doesn't always occupy me, so when it does there's got to be an output.
maybe there are three stages. as a boy i feel without questioning why, and there is no reason to anything. it's just mindless devotion. maybe that's why often i just wish i could forget it all and you were back here.. as an adolescent i lived out all the criticisms of my seniors, questioning and dreaming, fooling around and doing stupid things. maybe i should be thankful that somehow things managed to turn into friendships and the hurt that i did was minimal.. or not. as a man i give up trying to figure stuff out, just want to settle.
maybe there are four. maybe the day will come when i'm tired enough not to want to play anymore.
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12:26 pm
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