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danne |
Thursday, August 23, 2007
i'm still here.. •
these few days have been pretty disturbing. the rainy season is beginning again, and i relish all those super heavy downpours we get, like the one just a few minutes or an hour ago when i'd just stepped into the house from a short walk, or when it just drenches the whole school and the air is new again.. and of course it's the time of the year. i always ask myself all those questions again at this time. i get the feeling i always will. but i was saying. dinner, albeit just for the five of us, was memories and thoughts. everyone knows memories are easier to handle, you just feel and there's nothing to consider, mostly.. but i don't even know what to think, hm. well. i say that far too much. perhaps i need a new distraction. studies are just what they are, perhaps i would venture to say i got just a little more productive before this. what, the past week. oh, and i figured out the library's catalogue, pity the books aren't really useful for my mini-is.. picked up a little carl jung, and a compilation of essays that had one that just might have something in it. can't remember how i ended up reading it, but Dresden Codak's Tiny Carl Jung prodded my memory of picking up the name when i was researching for the proposal, and pointed me in the direction of rice boy which is really amazing writing+art. speaks something of how i think and feel sometimes, hahhaha. but that's another story. maybe we do think about time.. and maybe some small part of me does wish that JC life would last forever despite it all. but people are so busy, and there are more important things to do..? i regret a lot of things i'd done in the past, because i thought they weren't important. so perhaps i'd better do these things now so i won't in the future..? which things? but you and i both know that it won't last forever, and when i picture what i hope to make of my future, i'm spurred a little and i start asking questions like, who? but there is apprehension. too many times people i thought i cared about got left behind, in some way. i always used to tell myself that no matter what, if i wanted to, i'd find people again. perhaps there's something to learn about that as well. i can't read you, anyway. when the time comes, as it will, when it's all ready to go away, maybe it'll be the same and maybe you don't really care, not as much as it seems to me that people ought to care.. maybe i don't care enough. or maybe you start convincing yourself that it's too late, time's too short, circumstances will take us who-knows-where, and it's better not to form an attachment now..? either way.. i'd be pretty sad. yeah. who knows where i'll take you, or you'll take me. 10:52 pm |