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danne |
Monday, August 13, 2007
what's cooler than a box of crayons? •
 at the end of the day, i'm just glad that the time in school was ended with some measure of peace inside, at least.. sometimes people can be such a comfort.. and though we may not be aware, maybe you make that much of a difference, when there's so much frustration that i could beat myself out. i don't like to talk about it, cause we're blessed in our own way.. but life hasn't been handy dandy and perfect for everyone you know, you know. someone i'm beginning to come to respect has even picked up this tidbit; have the heart not to dance your fortunes before those who've had to work harder - despite it all they're still picking dimes off the floor, what right have you to make it more painful. it's just that.. i'm tired of experiencing the same things over. perhaps it's me that has to change..? because of the way life's been, i really don't have that much to look back in joy at in the past, really. there have been individuals who've been and are treasures to me.. but some people actually grow up, physically, emotionally, psychologically.. maybe i did too fast for my own good. too many weddings, though i always say, heyy, you'd better invite me. but who doesn't want to see those they care about at their happiest.. it's just that i'm tired of life with girls who don't know, who don't care, who think they know so much, who think they're anything like the center of the world.. who just have no personality, no heart for all the flutter, no strength for all the painful attempt at imagery, at taking on an image. why? it's not pretty, and the world always talks about what serious girls look for in guys; who cares about vice versa, hey; you've got the body, use it. whatever. if it makes any sense at all i think about it more and more every day, and yet some part of me just tries to numb.. you were a miracle dropped into my lap, but. God knows. i like to think that i'm growing through it all, that there's something more behind this cloud, that hey, you're right, perhaps. i'm no cherubino, no modern artist trying to consolidate beauty from that source, but i hate it when some part inside of me clicks and i just get this bad feeling about a person from then on. it seldom but does. there are so many things to worry about, within family, for family, for that family, for things that must be done. and the things that flee away from today and here are so unbelievably unbearable, you don't know. too many missed chances. a part of me blames certain people always, because that measure of beauty was stolen for no cause, given to people who mistreat it. maybe it always came easy for you, so it's not your fault. maybe you have more to reminisce and cling to from so shortly before and so less motivation to work with and for what's here and now. it's a new emotion, but really, i begin to hate this. that you can be so heartless at all. 8:56 pm |