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i resent that radioblog has only english songs -.-...
"unassuming wisdom was never meant to be exalted, ...
奇异恩典 何等甘甜 我罪已得赦免 前我失散 今被寻回 瞎眼今得看见 如此恩典 使我敬畏 ...
nothing major. back to life.. the st. john's aura ...
the island.i'm just at a loss for appropriate word...
poetry that i can't shareit just isn't therebroken...
so many things to sayso many people in my headi'll...
say i'm harshbut ain't nobody the freakin' center ...
music from 4 years back to get the heart beating a...
"since our dreams exist in airwho on Earth can bri...
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layout by: detonatedlove♥
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Sunday, December 17, 2006
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i'm not pushing it aside, i'm just not mentioning it. cause i'm not going to do anything. that's as must as i know, for now. i got no right to think about it, if i'm not going to do anything. but i can speak about it.
can you imagine having what you dream of appear before you, and everything seems so perfect, and everything seems to be going to be all right from then on, then everything is taken away, you realize that it was all in your mind, you just imagined the beauty, you just saw things in too good a light to be true, you just saw the best when it wasn't? just believed something to be something that it was not, simply because you just desired it that much, and the slightest appearance that that something is what you've been waiting for, just sets off all the bells?
but in the end it's just a scam, and you can't blame anyone, because no matter what others tried to make you believe, or didn't, it was your own fault for falling for it, for believed what wasn't, for imagining something to be that which is it not, for dreaming in this world of realism.
nah, you couldn't.
i try to tell myself, you can't afford to dream anymore, to try again, to take chances with these things. it's too much emotional energy, you're only a man, you don't have that kind of capacity to do it again, and yet again. so no more speculation, no more believing, no more seeing if this piece of reality could possibly be that which you dream of. cause there's too much chance that it isn't.
people dispise self-pity, not without reason. i can do without it as well. i don't know what it is, but a part of me just refuses to believe that that's it. because my dreams can't come true ever if the world is such, and people are such. not till the end of eternity. a part says that you're foolish not to try, nobody pities such idiotic behaviour, and besides what would you gain from this anyway? nothing at all.
i gain nothing, but i lose nothing also. isn't there a story in the book warning against such behaviour? grah.
right, this is just making me more confused. i can't try, but i'm not supposed not to. but i can't!
i just can't.
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11:12 pm
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