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Saturday, June 24, 2006
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ahh.
i got nothing. i need a loan.
EOY overseas competition in slovakia, czech and austria , and i can't go. seriously. frikkin. it's in the middle of winter, and lookin at last year's winter, this years probably will be as harsh. which is actually a small part of the reason i really want to go this year, haha.. i want to see what it's like. to feel it. i've said it before; it is that time of the year. the time for remembering, for contemplating.
the crazy details are plentifulous and messiful, but i don't really want to think about it. i've tried hard, and so okae. family and friends won't help, i'll just have to try something else. time is running out.. i just hope i can make it in time.. haiz. i just get that feeling again, like i'm kidding myself. i'll never find a way to get the money in time, and i'll spend december brooding around singapore upset about what JC life would be like, even though i won't know for sure.
anyway. chickenkoalas aside, it comes to me needing about 1.6k more, if i'm lucky. if i'm not, i'll need about 2.3k. i really, really hope i'm lucky. but.. won't be able to tell until i get the 1.6k. if i ever do.
somehow, there's something illogical about me wanting to go on this trip. i won't be left out or anything; i won't be in raffles voices next year any more. i'm not even sure if i want to join chorale in RJ. there are so many other things that i need to worry about.. A's, and other things i have to work at to go for my long(or is it rly short?) term goal.
i dunno. when u join a group, and stay, there's always something specific that keeps you coming back. for geof it's teaching, for jorel it's simply singing, and but barely. for me.. i wasn't sure. but i think, it is singing, partly, but it's about the people. i just enjoy singing in a group this way. outside of school and choir, it's so hard to find people to sing with,. seriously. i mean like, really sing. i don't know.. maybe it's me. for some reason, i don't know enough people who enjoy the music the same way.
ah. i stopped and got lost... like i said. i got nothing. nothing i can do, anyway. everything is just going to flow, and i'm caught in the middle of it. i drop dead beat at the end of the day. every end of the day.
i need the 2nd last end of the day soon..
不说出的感受。
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8:25 pm
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