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Friday, June 09, 2006
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the more i think about it, the more.. pissed i get at myself. what the hell am i trying to do.
think and think, all the stupid things i do. i need to get away, until i can sort it out. i guess, now that i think about it in this way, it is a start. at least now i know something i'm doing wrong.
butbut ____, seriously. what's wrong with me.. why have i been trying to be like that. i just need to shut up. shut up, and think, and whatever i can do. i need to stop doing other things.
... ii don't think anyone wld understand. nvmind.. i need to get away now. put it off for so long, thought maybe i was wrong about how things were. i wasn't, and furthermore i forgot about how they could be, and made things worse. well, now i know what to do. i can't afford to care anymore. rather, i can't afford to try to be someone else. i just gotta behave like i don't care, cause.. i don't know. bad things happen when i try.
maybe i'll go back.. maybe i'll go somewhere else. but i can't see any of you so soon. i need to stop. stop trying.
i will stop. then i'll be back. and then at least, i'll be able to stand aside and witness. i never fully appreciated that He allowed me to not step in and try to help or fit in. now i do.. now i have to. or that's it.
no more stupid. no more me.
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11:00 pm
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