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danne |
Monday, September 12, 2005
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昨天没回家。typing chinese is slow if ya gonna do it properly, kinda.. hurhur.. cause i really don't do proper spell checks. but u understand, yes? ah. but i try. easy on the wrong chinese words, i know i know, just try to think pinyin, haha.. yea, back from camping in classroom for no good reason, tired ah. loads of school crap, but i dun want tok abt it.. okae? anyhow, it was okae lah. fear factor dinner, fried cucumbers . . . not funny. den 3am get up, warm up, off back to kranji. seriously lorh.. kranji is like.. two MRT stops away from my place. den ask me to go all the way to Bishan, camp over then next morning get up shuper early to go all the way back to kranji. right. inde end it was okae lah, i think.. my hearing not as tuned as sum other guys, but to me already already not really too near perfect or ideal, hurhur.. so.. dowan to ask others lah. anyways, all the organisers were all like, good job guyssss.. all the high comissioners and etc etc were commenting on your performance, very good blah blah. ah fine. u liked it. good enuff. lol. sum fellers come and interview us, for sum can't-remember-the-name thing.. supposed to be some documentary for teachers to watch. aww. so we won't be on TV. lol. like anyone was going to watch live broadcast at 6 in the morning. but papers maybe, so hurhur, watch out, maybe i get a second show in the papers in this life, lol.. one thing gotta say is, good thing didn't rain this morning, haha... it did yesterday evening though, when we were there doing soundcheck. yea. it smelled really good. the air was really fresh after the rain. people really just forget that that's a war cemetary, not just a memorial structure sometimes.. hurhur.. right now basically it's school that's making me want to jump off a cliff lah. seems every time there's something wrong somewhere in life huhh. if i just got rid of one thing then shld be able to kope huh. riight. i'm tring to add stuff, not remove. aiyahh.. dunno what to say, to do lah.. but sch i cld never deal with. it was just along the way. now ppl can understand nothing in class but top the class from copying some 18-year-old's papers. well, lol, if a whole bunch of people gettnig the same mark is still considered topping. wahwah, tabletop mountain sia. 在这中处境中，真的不知该集中在哪一个地方。then again, 一大半我真的想去做，去学习的地方，目前的情况不准许我去干... haizz, 相信这些都讲过，被你们听过太多次了吧... 真的想谢你们.. 知道这中地方.. 其实不是什么重要的地方.. 可是.. 这是自己发泄烦恼，发表感情，basically 说很多废话的地方吧... just feel that, 有时候，在这中地方，如果太自觉，在您自己小小的地方写下一点一点什么的，就是去意思了.. 因为.. 自己是认为, 这中地方, 可是得到对对方最起码一点点的认识.. 或许实在是太过 pathetic 了吧.. 可是在一些情况下, 在我目前的心态上.. 是点难开口.. 真的是 quite stupid 啦，可是.. 目前.. 真的是太多东西不合理.. 真的是无发真正领会到的啦... haiyah, i'm talking crap lah. people are just busy. like i'm supposed to be. which i am. with the wrong things, as many would say, and they're making me feel that way, by force.. dunno lah. it's just blink. what can i do. none of you people who keep talking so much crap to me will ever understand, becasue you don't want to understand for the right reasons. as an end, and not a means to an end, and all that crap. would that we cuold all be together always.. but it would probably get tacky. getting too close with each other.. it's taken too casually. if i ever have a real family.. must never let such a crap happen. what's your excuse for treating people who u're supposed to care about the most so much worse than others who you seldom see. it's like what ya'll were talking about.. putting up a good front in front of people. just can't stand that kinda people. like my parents. cn't tahan it. stuupid fake pretending to be nice. really. all with ulterior motives. when we say ulteriot motives.. refer to a bad or really direct one, usually..but in the end.. it's really for ourselves, if you want to see it so pessimistically. yes, i want you to be happy, because i want to be happy, and when you're happy, i'm happy. it's an ulterior motive, in some sense.. but.. it's really a subconcious sort of thing. cause in the end, everything we're doing is to try to make things better. and when are things "better" ? when we're happy.. content. huhh. which really just leads onto to another crappy thing. why is everything just wrong? it's really useless saying anything, cause regardless of what i do, or what i say, or don't do, not say, it's all up to you to look for something that i'm doing wrong. you'll surely find it. i can't do anything about that. it's just that.. if you look, you'll find it. every time teachers will ask you, what's your excuse. the onyl answer i'll ever give any of them is, no excuse. because really, i'm tired of giving good valid reasons for my actions, but because they don't understand the whole thing about it, couldn't care less, it's just a stupid excuse to them. to them, you have one motive: to break the rules and get away with it. like i don't have better things to be striving for. one thing just leads to another.. one thing piles up on another. then it's upt o the last event, the final back breaking straw, to use that much-hated-by-now idiom. no prize for guessing why. just hear it too often. these stupid people just.. exaggerate everything. hate hate hate hate hate hate hate. blam. something bad happens. then it's back to square zero. zero. zero. zero. i hope it'll all be alright in the end. like i was telling jorel. "everything's black and white.." "yea.. huhh. i guess. but at least the sky's purple." it's what you try to see.. that's what you'll see. really. 7:43 pm |