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Sunday, August 28, 2005
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there's a story i want to share, but it's seriously long, so i'll have to type it in abother time.. parents are, as usual always getting on my case about doing anything except mugging and doing homework.. and i've this sorta-fever, 37.7, heh. i'll live tho, so what the h3ck. maybe i'll pon ten choir tmr, =D haha.. see how lah.
there's a lot of talk about going out now, and i'm considering it more seriously. time flies by so fast, this year is gone even faster than all the years before, probably with the exception of P6. maybe around the same. but i think sec4 will pass even faster..
is it because there are more things to do? because we're more occupised with things, we don't take notices; or is it because we're having fun doing what we do? i dunno.. but things are getting out of hand, in my case at least.. haiz.. dun feel like complaining anymore, because it just gets me more pissed off.. which is a good thing. tells me to shut up.
there's so much to talk about. huhh. i could be here typing till two in the morning. but i really don't have that kind of time. hmm.
well.. about the story that i wanted to type in then. today there was talk, can't remember whether it was in sunday school or service, about all these people who were always trying to find the way to happiness.. i guess there's really no answer to that delima, because this world is really just an imperfect place.. it's not my home, our home. just passing thorugh, the ups and downs of life are what make me as happy as i can be here. it is possible to rejoice in times of trial or sorrow, if only we know why we're going through what we are. that's what i believe.
so the story is really just another of those "secret to happiness" things. but it's one of those which i think has a certain little meaning, so i think it really might be part of the way. haha.. how to say it without spoiling the story. well.. i guess, my interpretation is; throughout our existence, wonder at all the glorious things that God has done and created, but at the same time, never forget the little jobs that are given to us to accomplish now.. that's what i wish i could do, for real. not having a permanant job purposely.. it's interpreted by psycologists to be some sort of mental instability, but.. i dunno. it's just a means for me to accomplish this end. but then, it's really not an end, because it'll go on, until His kingdom come, or until i'm called home, huhh. to marvel at the things He has created, and the people and communities which are becasue of Him, and experiencing it with people whom i love; and at the same time, never to forget the little mission that is entrusted unto me; to do as much as i can to bring all these people, whom i love, to Him.
the reason is simple; because i love them. the Bible doesn't say much about what happens after heaven, but that after a thousand years, they will be released from hell, or something towards that meaning.. along with the devil. all that it says after that, as far as i can interpret, is that the devil will once again be thrown into the firey lake, this time for all eternity. which is a good thing. but what of the people whom i fail to bring to Him.. i don't know, and i really don't want to think about it now, becasue all i can tell is; there is no answer known to man. and that's not a pleasant thought. it has to be tackled, and one day i will sit down with close friends to discuss it, but.. until then, may i never have to worry about loved ones going.. there.
but i do.
haiz.. talk is cheap, and i feel that i'm cheapening myself. but i'm stuck here, and that's that. beyond that, i'm making it more difficult for me to go where i am headed; or that's how it seems. technical education matters, the impracticalities of certficates and examinations where everyone is cheating but i cannot, and all this crap. they never seems such a big trouble before. huhh. impossibilities will finally get me.
i would finish off the last thing i had to say, but.. that woman is ready to kill once again. i need to find another way to express how she is about to take my life. let's just say..
i've forgotten. great.
i hate this woman. and that man. they spoil everything.
such is the hole in my testimony.
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10:38 pm
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