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danne |
Monday, August 29, 2005
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getting back all the results, never felt so helpless before. i mean, i've screwed up big time before, but now it looks like it's here to stay.really cannot tahan, everyone i know is so pro without having to do much or anything at all. blaah. what just pisses me off is the situation now. it's threatening everything i ever planned seriously to acheive. that's never happened before.. somehow it all pulls through. because i keep going. maybe somehow it's not all over yet, but.. it realyl doesn't look good. people are just talking against me, and flying solo, and not by choice, like jun yang.. ugh. cannot stand him. everywhere he goes he just takes over. one of those obsessive solo leaders. if Singapore were to change to become a dictatorship by vote, that feller will just go and become sultan of Singapore, i tell u.. cannot tahan. pro at everything. it's really quite pointless for me to say anything. i should know that by now. people will only tell me; it's your own fault, this is your own doing, who ask you slack, who ask you go and do useless things all the time.. who ask u dream. i'm sorry lorh.. dreaming had brought me this far. i thought i was good. i guess it was all for nothing. what i told the section during CCA day is coming back and working on me. the higher you climb, the further you fall when you do. that's what's happening, everywhere in my life. and i really don't know what to do anymore. should i keep going for my goals? or should i just give up and become a chao mugger.. doi even have the ability to do that now, to turn back. or is it like this dastardly Raffles Programme that turned my education and life thus far into a nightmare. so sorry lorh. dreaming.. going for goals everyone can only say are too lofty to acheive, wanting to go the route less taken, path less trod.. all it's done for me is to tear everything up. why should i continue. why should i not refrain from expressing how i feel. when people say that it's a cruel world out there, it's really just because of their own perception; they perceive it to be, so it is to them. but why do they perceive the world that way? why do i? uggh. if i ever wanted to suicide, it was for such completely incompetent reasons compared to this that offers itself to me before. hahh, but i'm not that dumb, i think. ................. never mind. here's the tale.. but now i just don't feel it the way i did before. i really should, and i'm still trying to change. it's just that.. circumstances make me act certain ways. because i'm used to reacting that way, because that was how i reacted in the past when i didn't know how to react, and it became a very bad habbit. it's bullcrap to lots of people, but never mind.. like i said. it's pointless talking about these stuff, because some people just don't understand, don't want to understand. hardened your heart, have you. well, no longer have you the choice whether or not to. henceforth, your heart is hardened not by yourself. ugh. stop. here it is.. "A certain shopkeeper send his son to learn about the secret of happiness from the wisest man in the world. The lad wandered through the desert for forty days, and finally came upon a beautiful castle, high atop a mountain. It was there that the wise man lived. " Rather than finding a saintly man, though, our hero, on entering the main room of the castle, saw a hive of activity: tradesmen came and went, prople were conversing in the corners, a small orchestra was playing soft music, and there was a table covered with platters of the most delicious food in that part of the world. The wise man conversed with everyone, and the boy had to wait for two hours before it was his turn to be given the man's attention. "The wise man listened attentively to the boy's explaination of why he had come, but then told him that he didn't have time just then to explain the secret of happiness. He suggested that the boy look around the palace and return in two hours. " 'Meanwhile, I want to ask you to do something,' said the wise man, handing the boy a teaspoon that held two drops of oil. 'As you wander around, carry this spool with you without allowing the oil to spill.' "The boy began climbing stairs and decending the many stairways of the palace, keeping his eyes fixed on the spoon. After two hours, he returned to the room where the wise man was. " 'Well,' asked the wise man, 'did you see the Persian tapestries that are hanging in my dining hall? Did you see that garden that took the master gardener ten years to create? Did you notice the beautiful parchments in my library?' The boy was embarrassed, and confessed that he had observed nothing. His only concern had been not to spill the oil that the wise man had entrusted to him. " 'Then go back and observe the marvels of my world,' said the wise man. 'You cannot trust a man if you don't know his house.' "Relieved, the boy picked up the spoon and returned to his exploration of the palace, this time observing all the works of art on the celings and the walls. He saw the gardens, the mountains all around him, the beauty of the flowers, and the taste with which everything ahd been selected. Upon returning to the wise man, he related in detail everything he had seen. " 'But where are the drops of oil I entrusted to you?' asked the wise man. "Looking down at teh spoon he held, the boy saw that the oil was gone. "Well, there is only one piece of advise i can give you,' said the wise man. 'The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world, and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon.' " 9:11 pm |