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danne |
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
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i think.. i'm beginning to realize how i'm changing, but that's not the focal point to night. it's nice to be able to somewhat live in the present that much more, but the balance isn't always kept.. there has to be a limit.it's so hard to go and start at the beginning, once again, so i'll start from now. i got back from the hospital around noon today.. hadn't washed my hair in a week -.- and can't shower for 1 more... sooo, went to the hairdresser and blew 9 bucks washing. was worth it thought.. man. i died in the hospital with the hair. yeah, operation, blah blah, i don't really want to think about all those stuff. it's too obvious to say, but i'll say it anyway, and not other things to prevent offending people, but yeah, bad experience, i'm gonna take uber extra care now, and as soon as it's completely healed, woophee. cause, in the past, people kept up with the concert, and the thingies, and the stuff, and it only got me hurt over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. yeah, so i'm gonna keep it tight until i don't break so easily, ok? so don't get offended when i say i don't need people coming down, when they know, or they SHOULD know that it's just gonna get me hurt, again. i mean, ok, so maybe you know that already and nevermind. but no more anyhow. the button's in my hand, i'm not pressing it cause people beg and act nice no more. ok, rant over. a nice long paragraph, so that nobody will bother reading that. nobody needs to anyway, for.. obvious reasons. but that's done with. aw gosh i come back online and so many people you make me forget.. hahaa. it makes me think about that saying, how people always think about their dream lifestyle, and forget that what they have now is pretty darn dreamy, and it can be make better if only we try. k.. i'll try to remmeber, for the sake of archiving, and.. selfish reasons, hahaha.. that's something else i'm thinking about, but it's not the sort of thing one can discuss on a blog. heck, how do you even discuss things on a blog? doesn't discussing involve multiple perspective input? and there was something else i finally realized today, i think.. i'm not sure. i never dare say i am, anyway, haha.. there's just this bad thing, thing, about people, that i never really could put my finger on before. i never knew what exactly was going, on, now i think i have some idea. some people just like to blame themselves for everything. it's the easy way out, not solving any problems, just demanding to take the blame and drop the issue, escape the main problem. it's stupid. please, for your own sake, when i speak random stuff, and anyone speaks random stuff- ok. since i'm on the topic. you could at least try to learn things from your surroundings, sometimes, couldn't you? or at least more than you are? cause most people, or all people or something, just act, dumb, for no good reason. avoiding everything, just not thinking about it. blind faith can't last for too long. until death, perhaps, but if that's long enough for you, and you're willing to both take the gamble AND live a lie of a life, then there's really nothing i can say. every single thing that happens around us can teach us something, even if what we learn is completely unrelated, if only you think about it. heck, if you think enough about any one thing, you could probably learn almost everything else. something to that effect. the point is, the lessons link on, and on, and on. they stop when you stop thinking about things to learn, observations to make, situations and examples to gain understanding, maturity, experiece. some people may have thought about this and just said, it's too much. i'm happy as i am, i'm not going to conjure up imaginary foes for me to defeat and make myself high and mighty. you're the fool, bothering yourself with this. some people say, come on, just relax. you're thinking too much. every other time we speak, people tell me, stop thinking. how can i stop thinking? how could you? surely you were at some point? you were giving the ability to. why live as a fool? knowledge requires years and lifetimes and extreme dedication.. but only a select few are willing to dedicate their lives to this sort of stuff. i personally don't see the point, as of yet, becuase there are certain things that i shouldn't know now, and i mostly couldn't know them if i wanted to. and i may not know these gaps of knowledge exist, and so on and so forth. the point is, just try, to be mature.. gain understanding. maybe it gives an odd sort of peace, but that's not the point, exactly. the point is.. i don't know. it's frustrating to see people i care about.. bah. people will just get offended because of this outbreak. so fine, if you think that i'm not talking about you, go ahead. i'll.. not say anything to discourage your thinking, but i think what i think. the best that i can, until proven false, and always, trying to prove things both false and true at the same time. passivity.. bah. i just got back from the hospital what drove me to get me into this.. oh yeah. my mom. ok.. lol. some people may find it ironic, but i think this is somewhat deeper than this. an interesting video.. as as per normal for talkingkok, the direction of the accusation is unclear, and it's quite obviously to both sides, unless you're.. i won't say it. anyway, it's another thing to think about, another day. ocassionally i'm content dreaming also. how my life will develop. to combine dreams with honest possibilities.. haha. oh the vid. here. hm yeah. i've clean forgotten everything else. oh! ok. hm, raffles voices.. haha.. for some reason i came back today, discharges from the hospital, opened the notebook computer and googled "raffles voices". haha.. seems some people from the public have a good opinion of us too.. blogs and stuff. ah.. as i thought. you can always anticipate and wonder what it'll be like, and regret and try to cherish it while it lasts, but you never miss something truely that much until it's gone, done and over. right now, i'm probably not part of "us" anyway. not going for tour, my health wouldn't have allowed it if i had gotten the cash, so good thing i didn't and waste it all, haah. a blessing in that sense.. but i'll miss the people. the sad thing is, time will move on, we'll move on the JC, grow up, and the raffles voices will be newer, younger people whom i don't know. and these people may not have our spirit.. but the hope that it'll pass on is there, haah. i'll be sure to stop over time and again, but it won't be the same.. singing with us. yeah well. sad case with no pun indended. sadder still, i have doubts about chorale.. mostly about the people i'll be in there with. not to go into detail: people whom i've met before, and thus have preconceptions about be. furthermore, almost 1/2 of them will be such people. i don't like it. yeah, well. yeah, well. k, done for now. ciao. 8:13 pm |