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danne |
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
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stupid chin yang's got me captivated by the belgariad now.. sigh. too many worlds in my head, but as said, if only for the sake of opening one's eyes, gaining new perspectives. but when will i find my Ce'Nedra? lol. now is the time to roll your eyes.hm, still doing homework instead of mugging for exams, i figure i'm quite doomed. but haven't given up yet, of course.. that tends to come at the last minute, and so willingly i'm afraid. it's like, at 3am in the morning with this project that threatens to make me fail the subject and get me retained is hanging there, but even as my spirit is sober, my breathing is.. ghostly. like i'm breathing wisps of grass with each inhale, exahle, inhale, exhale.. and something inside says, give it up, go and sleep. you may or may not be able to complete it even if you stay up, but just go to sleep. sometimes i trick myself into lying down for a moment, and however uncomfortably i arrange myself, i somehow will drop off into sleep.. yeah well, it's the stories that have made me so. i'm in a frame of mind i haven't visited for some time.. i'm not really that impressed by epic fantasy tales, usually. but now is kind of a bad time.. with exams, and so many other things that are needed, besides getting me the series! i tend to buy books that i have read and know or that i have a hunch that there is this re-reading value in it, that i learn something very important, or that there are infinite possible lessons i can teach myself with the book, if i put myself down with it and some time. this is such a case, and considering my empty pockets, i'll have to get myself acquainted with several 2nd hand bookstores. maybe chin yang can help me.. haha. but pushing aside the other thoughts, it's something to sigh about again, in a new light. i never allowed myself to think about that for some time. i'll take a moment to say, forgive my obscurity, but those who are knowing enough to understand what bothers me, those people i don't worry for having knowledge of these personal thoughts and wonderments.. haha. quite frankly, being in an all-boys school for four years does do something to you, however much contact you have outside. we get a lot more freedom, and we all relish it incredibly, treasure and guard it greedily.. but next year it'll be gone, you know. and everyone reacts differently to the environment without girls.. i'm almost certain certain people will benefit from the presence of members the fairer sex.. haha.. people need to get a life -.- what i'm saying is, what i thought of today, when i was supposed to make my oral presentation but didn't, because i really hadn't prepared at all. it's the same thought, that everyone reacts in certain ways to certain situations, dependant on their beliefs and character, but placing that into this scenario, and with these people, the possibilities become a little more limited, and it is quite diverting to think about.. haha.. some people will learn to leave their books a while, some people will mellow down, some people will open up, perhaps some people will become a little wiser and mature. it's all empty speculation of course, but it is interesting, and all the more so when one begins to consider oneself. but then again, since i know myself, somewhat.. hahaha.. i have some idea of what it would be like. i am no one in the Belgariad. people tend to struggle to stick people into classes, even themselves, but i'm afraid it's not going to work this time. on the more comprehensible plane, i'm worried about CCAs also. toh has a reputation of forcing choristers to devote themselves wholly to choir or not take part at all.. i get the feeling he resents even time we put aside for studies. i can't live that kind of live in JC.. i made the mistake of playing out and shy once, twice, thrice, it's not going to happen again if i can help it. the least i can do is throw myself into things. besides, these are things i want to do, and as much as i love singing, which is incredibly more than the impression i'm probably giving you now or ever, i don't want to miss out on the other things. i need to learn: gain all those perspectives, knowledge, views. i need to understand all the possibilities. i don't know why, i just need to. sigh. the human mind truely has the capacity to be so.. complicated by thoughts. even without that people are confused enough by emotions. aw man. what am i doing. i had better get out of here.. lol. ciao. 6:54 pm |