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Monday, September 26, 2005
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i feel wierd. so many thoughts.. so many implications. i don't know what's happening. i thought it was bad before.. thot i was holding it. huhh. it's just too many things at once, and i don't even know what i want to do to myself now.
why won't you look me in the eye? i know i'll regret saying that, but still.. i mean. i don't know what it means to me. i can't write it out. there are to manys things, back and forth, and urgh.
i can't do anything now. i think it's because i see all the implications, for and against, eveyrthing and it all says NO. YOU CAN'T DO THIS. YOU CAN'T DO THAT. YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING. YOU CAN'T NO NOTHING, EITHER. i really feel torn up.
why do you act? i love you the way you are. doesn't matter how it is. however 'you are' is. why do i think you act? why are things this way? why has it been stuck so, for so long? why do i feel so?
totally can't do anything properly. i don't even want to think about the Zahir and it's implications now. i would just explode.
now i just wish there was a way i could just, not think about anything, and just get away from all this. if there's one thing i could absorb of the zahir right now, it's that i don't really want to be independant. i want to be dependant on the ones i love, and i want them to be dependant on me as well. independancy.. it really just means that you're alone.
doesn't it.
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9:22 pm
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