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Thursday, June 23, 2005
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well.. back from choir. there's one place i can make a difference.. sighh.. can't imagine what it'll be like wif sec 4s gone.. aiyahh.. whatever lorh.. everyone just need a laugh lah.. there were times not to long ago when Toh seriously pissed me off, but nowadays nt really. maybe cause he's not doing so much extremely stupid selfish stuff, but i'd like to think that it's simple cause he can no longer bug me.. muahaha.. he really can't do anything to me except kick me out to choir. for one thing, that just helps me make my decision whether or not to stay, and for another thing, i'd like to see how his bass section copes without me and the sec 4s.. nt to be egoistic.. but.. aiyahh.. no matter what i say ppl will oso think i'm in the wrong one lah, so whateverr..anyways, next year will be pretty free, hope i can convince the future exco to do some fun stuff.. haha.. i mean, no commitments next year, excpt to do a concert every year, so next year prob won't be a difference.. what this bunch of people need is change and fun.. so stone, so serious all the time.. what to expect with half a place of GEPers, tsky tsky.. hahaah.. but not all are so bad lah. maybe 50-50. gonna try to try to scope out some minor competitions for small bands and stuff in sg, haha, there shld be something, riight? then we can go and crash.. haha.. not all lah, or even nearly half. jsut the few pro zai dudes =D see how lah.. there's never a lack of things for a singer to do.. God's really placed a path right in front of my face for me to go thus far.. i'm grateful.. but haiz.. it always seems so lonely. aiyahh.. this kinda thing, multiple meaning one, lol, whatever.. it just seems too much to be.. coincidental. to empty. and onyl where i choose to go. fine. whatever. behh.. school is really becoming pointless.. it's seriously.. homeworks all overdue, stay up late trying to do, can barely do a bit, then go to school, half asleep cause up all nite, then sleep in some/most classes.. then go home, eat, do a bit, drop dead, then wake up just when everyone just went to bed, and repeat.. d'oh. conpletely nonsensical. my grades are getting totally screwed. recently.. okae, not so recently, there's this thing about da "handicapped" peeps.. in body or in mind.. whatever.. aiyahh. methinks right, so many ppl in this society handicapped in spirit, why nobody cares leh?? haiz.. depression is now a medical situation, no doubt because it is so widespread, and seriously, people of all ages are facing all sorts of spiritual and emotional problems, people i actually know.. well, not really, but you get the point.. there's always this question some will ask; what are we supposed to do with our life in this society.. and seriously, there's nothing much to look forward to.. this society totally restrains ideals and thoughts.. but more importantly, as someone said, it's just plain and simple, difficult times. don't talk to me about war, don't talk to me about your lack of food and clothing or whatever in the past years of your childhood. we face far greater foes in thsi modern society, and you know it. it's hard to merge realism and the things of our dreams; our destinies. or so i imagine. reality has so many restrictions.. and our imagination and longings can have no limit. how are we to merge these two? which limits may we ignore, that are presented to us by this "real world"? one thing i took note of, with much thoughts... was the things that Jesus always told his wannabe deciples to do, in the beginning of the gospels. leave everything and follow Him. leave everything. is that so very difficult to do? it is for me.. but in my case, i don't even have to leave everything.. there are friends everywhere, who will always be in my hearrt, and only a plane, train, car, or walk away. that's important to me. at this age.. hah.. what little belongings i have that matter something to me, is because of sentimental value.. haha.. it's true, there are beautiful memories in youth. that's why i never want to leave it until i have to, to take on greater responsibilites. i've really thought it al through.. if my dreams were to become reality, no doubt warped dreams to fit inot this situation i find myself in, it would truely be wonderful enough.. cause in the end my reward lies in heaven =) ai.. time to get dinner, been surviving on oatmeal squares since i came back from choir, lol. tmr is yf retreat.. can only go for the night.. haiz.. but i've commitments, and i have duties, i guess.. even if i were allowed to, i probably won't leave training for yf either, cause everyone has been working so hard for this, can't afford to make any move to screw it up.. haha.. must monitor all the rest oso, make sure everything is fine.. and of course to get toh of everyone's back. it's actually become fun, cause i guess toh's come to accept it, somehow =) i guess we really are all just humans in the end.. =)) okae.. enuff chit chat for now.. right now.. aiyahh, as usual, loads of stuff to think about once i start putting it all down, one thing leads to another.. but then when i don't it all vanishes to dunno where.. but there has been something i thought about quite seriously to do.. and i haven't done it now. i'm beginnign to think... i think already, it's to late.. i'm not sorry that the trouble's over, but i know it'll come , and even if it doesnt,there are just certain people that one would like to be really, really, really close to, and let's just say, even through all the talk about making relationships work out, and making new ones, i really want to get tha close to you. haah.. toking to someone who's nt here. whatever. sighhx.. whatever whatever. oh. and i haven't forgotten my promise. that was to only other time in my life i came that close to swearing something, and i didn't, cause i feared i would be taken home sooner than i could fufil it, or that the spirit is truely willing but the flesh is weak.. hahaha.. but what am i talking about, how can God's strength, which is always with me, be not enuff.. i'm still alive. but i don't know why.. for some nonsensical reason, i just can't do it now.. you seem to far away. i just hope that the right time will be shewn to me soon.. before anything bad happens. for too long, i've been worrying, that something will happen. to either of us, before i can do anything. but i remember my promise. i'll be back. - friedtunes : Tension - Zhui Hou Yi Fen Zhong - 8:58 pm |