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Saturday, June 25, 2005
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I hope you never lose your sense of wonderback from yf and stuff.. haha.. bet everyone else is sleeping now.. lol.. slept at 2 and woke at seven thirty pronto to becky's voice, lol. put nicely =) perfectly normal hours for me, so nth much.. haha.. okae.. where do i start.. the past two days have been great.. er, choir was pretty much screwed, everyone suddenly decided to forget everything tt had been taught to them the very previous day.. so us poor SLs and SCs kena toh's blabbering and saliva.. see lahh. ni men re de huo.. anyways.. was pretty much pissed off at the way toh and the choir acted that day. he was super behind time, and i was late for something in between yf and choir, and was all like, grr, in front of him. then he starts insulting people.. think it's so funny. wah, say this person singing keep stretching his bum(like that's even possible), say another guy so ugly, say people got manicure, etc. that guy is seriously gay, and i can't stand it any more. he's gay in every sense of the word. he's gay, as in like, acts gay, and he's also gay, as in like, his behavious is gay. yea. ugh.. then like, the most INFINITELY STUPID thing was, he sense that i'm pissed off, some ppl oso pissed off(but nt as much as me, nya nya, lol) then he starts insulting people one by one. and so long they're nt the guy he's making fun of, those temporary morons laugh. the sheer stupidity. for one thing, there's nothing so funny about it. you think it's so funny to make fun of ppl? *****************************************. that's what i think.i can't believe it lah, ancouraging that thing that is the opposite of the word hot . even wen hao. yeesh. nt gonna work on me. u do mad thing, i tel your mother. he see my black face until he go home, hah. can't stand people like that, simply no morals at all. we're simply instruments in his hands. go go, tell us to take steriods, take any ole drug he prescribe, duneed to ask doctor, so long as we sing dam* well, can already. after the event, after the competition, he's not involved, we can go and die frmo the drugs. our voices can be ruined for the rest of our lives, he os dun caer. can't sing already? get the heck out of choir. yeesh. haizz.. anuff of this sour talk.. these two days were really great, nt cause of pieces of crap along the way like him, but the people who walk wif me.. had a dinner after that, then traipsed over to SBBC.. yea.. lesson about assurance of salvation, then some games indoors.. haha.. those tarzan jane gorilla things, and variations, lol. quite fun.. haha.. keep dying.. lol.. you don't want to hear me talk about what i was going to.. lol.. regarding that. nevermind. shall amke this blog entry more event centered. whatever lorh. hm, then the girls went off to shower and etc. goodness knows what, haha, then we were like, still in the den playing with card tricks and dumb lame games and puzzles and stuff.. lol.. now some of them know abt wen hao's game.. hahahah.. tt shuper lame one.. hmm.. some day gonna have to finish the job, go and play with everyone, haha... hm, then brought the stuff upstairs, just sit there lorh.. haha.. one reason why i'm kinda satisfied, tho nt really such a major one, i guess. it pales in comparison to the other things to be grateful joyful for. but ive finally managed to start the story. haha... i'd like to think it's the atmosphere, the people.. it's not exactly one that someone might dream of, for me at least, lol, but it may be as close as reality gets, haha.. seriously managed to forget about homework and projects and tests coming up once school reopens.. ugh.. still don't want to think abt it now.. but it's started. and so the saga begins. so slept around 2 to three, frikkin cold, lol... two air cons in a room that small is.. a good autumn's day in the black forest.. lol.. okae whatever. haha, i have no idea why, all manner of alarm clocks can't awaken me, but any slight movement of ppl can wake me up, 'specially voices.. instantly. haha.. woke up at 3 plus when timothy and david came in to sleep finally, then the next sound was at seven thirty.. haha.. anyways.. forgot to pack a second set of change, oh woe. is it so unusual to shower in the morning??? tt's the way it works when i grew up in Monterey anyway.. then for some reason my parents changed back to singapore standard, lol.. but i always feel better in the morning after i shower. wakes me up, gets me alert. the ultimately health-friendly(yet another new word =P) alternative to coffee in the morning.. haha.. u shld try it, really. anyway, zhi guang showered too, so i guess not. erm, then in short, morning devotion, prata, rain cum singing, lesson on talents. according to the profiling thing.. there are more 'missionaries' than i expected.. hoho.. it's a good thing, i guess, but what will become of SBBC when we all grow up and are free, free at last? haha... anyways, guilty as charged, i was one of the victims of the profilings too.. haha.. but i've thought about it, really.. i might not go as a missionary for the church, but i'll go with hearts and minds behind me, i hope, and some with me.. and i go everywhere in the name of the Lord, so that's not an issue =) okae.. anyways.. after that jamie kindly went and mass-ordered back chicken rice.. haha.. hm i think i got things mixed up, the lesson on talents was after lunch, lol. whatever.. just to get over with it.. after tt, like, loads of ppl went off.. bro. joe went off after the singing, then came back in the afternoon.. haha.. anyways, after tt just had some v funny games.. ahah.. in both senses of the word.. in the car park.. candle fight, or something, patented by SBBC, i'm told.. haha...fun.. oh.. kena my head, specs bent, haha, fixed now.. des y come back so late, cause went to eat something oso.. nth at all lah,just a hole cause specs bent already go and poke a hole there, haha.. otherwise nth lah.. hmm.. then becky asked again if i wanted to join choir.. haha.. so bad, make ppl ask so many times.. but for some reason.. i felt more prepared now.. haha.. i dunno. why behave so differently towards different groups of ppl leh?? i dunno.. haiz.. i have this feeling that it's a bad reason.. aiyahh.. in choir, if i dare say so, i've established myself.. hahaaa... thx to toh dropping me to baritone i guess.. now i can reach the full range quite well cept high tenors and mid-low altos..haha.. otherwise, i'm ready.. haha.. oh.. next saturday and every one after i'm SBBC choir property for a coupla hours in the afternoon.. haha.. so gonna have to define which choir i'm talking about from now on.. haha.. okae.. where was i.. i think, for some unknown reason, when i'm in a position to be a role model, to me a teacher, it feels easier to befriend people.. cause it's easier to do something that people don't normally do.. step down, and really be a friend.. haiz.. dunno why it seems so dificult to talk to people otherwise.. i mean, choir peeps, tho infinitely "quirky", as jamie wld say it, are just lie SBBC peeps, in some ways.. they're all really nice, easy to get along with, and fun to be with people.. in choir, always full of jokes and laughs.. haha.. but dunno why.. i can't fit into that in SBBC.. haiz.. feel.. wierd. i can't fanthom it. suddenly that thought surfaced again. i forget what made it. but; if i left now, from SBBC, sure, people wld ask why, for a while, as whoever might know what happened to me.. but just a while.. mabe a month or two.. haha.. all thoughts about me wld be inexistant, and in a half-year forgotten.. yes Lord, i know it's vainity of vainities.. but.. i see, and i listen, so much more than i let others see of me.. i think i know these people more than they think they know me.. but in the end.. we're still thinking, and thinking.. i can't really talk yet.. if i ever will.. sighhx.. now it's truely a burden on my heart. these are beautiful people.. in heart and spirit.. not that any less physically, but jokes aside.. i really don't know what's to become of this situation. there was a time when it was all still a dream. i thought.. it's hopeless.. why can't i open myself up to these wonderful people.. ugh.. why why.. it's hopeless.. one day, i'll leave, and i'll never have existed here.. but now it's become a reality.. unless God shows me otherwise.. i think i know what i have to do now.. there's something more for me elsewhere than Singapore, simply because i have a passion for other places.. for other people, who i dont' know... i'm a fool. in Singapore there are so many half-way relationships, such familiar environmnts, and such a great need for workers in the ministry, or simply testimonies for the Lord as anywhere else.. why can't i stay here?? i can't explain it..it's like my passion for singing.. it's simply.. desire, pure desire with love intertwined. it's why i can devote time to trying to pick up japanese, pathetically slow i am at it, instead of spending this time doing my math and physics and biology homework and projects... but then.. sometimes the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.. haiz.. see yongfei pick up guitar so easily, wanna slap myself.. haha.. why can't i even do anything with a guitar, aside from.. nothing? ugh... before i somehow thrust it to a side, and forced myself to stop thinkng about it.. but suddenly.. i feel.. like i'm butting into somewhere where i'm not supposed to be.. so perfect is this place, to go in, should i, spoil it i would.. and so i fear i'm doing.. these people have been here so long, grown up together, in body and in christ.. who am i to be a foreign body to come in and spoil this thing that God has made? ugh.. i dunno. whatever. but i managed to push it aside, somehow.. i would stay. and i would do what i could.. as the Lord commanded me to, and led me to.. then when it was time to leave, i would leave.. and when it was time to come back, i would.. and it would be as if i had never left, only better... haiz.. i dream.. leaving singapore after NS and studies becomes and increasing reality. there is really nothing to keep me in one place. it's not that i don't desire a permanat home to come home to after my travels, but i guess i could live without, cause money doesn't grow on trees.. furthermore, there are always jobs for the willing.. if the less educated can survive as such, why can't i? in such a manner, i can go anywhere.. anywhere i might be called.. at all. that's the truth of this world, and one good thing remaining, i guess.. it's because people think, ooh, i'll start a small business first, or i'll get a good job first, and save up, then i'll go where i am called.. but by then.. we've committed to other stuff.. like a certain position in a company.. or a routine we are way too used to to leave.. then it becomes so difficult to truely go and do what we must.. tt's why i want to do it now. if any are willing to follow me, joyfully, i'll thank the Lord, and we'll do what we must until it's done.. God will provide lah. hahaha.. you think i'm really too young to think abt stuff like this.. but after it all,even i wld want to settle down.. haha.. but God will provide.. whatever it is, just give thanks.. in the end, i'll get to settle down in heaven.. haha... every thought brings back memories for me.. ugh.. don't know how to feel. every word that's spoken.. do you feel the same way? i don't know? - friedtunes: Club 183 - Zhe Mo - 10:19 pm |