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Wednesday, December 28, 2005
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school's really starting, which is going to mean no more online stuff. ever. mostly. except maybe on weekends, if i can make it down to somewhere if i can finish my hw.
but otherwise, this year i cease to exist.. ashamed, yes. i have to pull up my grade point average by what, 50% to get into the course i want in JC. cause i only realized at like, the end of this year that sec 3 grade is taken into 50% consideration for JC admission. and i'm not allowed to take O levels. i did 55% this year, need an average of 70% to get into the course i want. ho hum. i'm doomed.
therefore, since i'm doomed anyway, might as well start thinking about appealing, and other measures, blahblah. yeesh, the media is really stressful, you know? dumb people from CHI going aorund saying, "oooh, i get loads of leadership opportunities and projects and chances to guide the student body and guide my student life" and crud like that. bullcrud. 450 people are led by an exclusive team of about 25 people for any one event, and there would be around 10 people who will always be present in this committee at any given event.
my point is, yeesh, i'm so doomed, i'm going to try right for the top, because if i can't get in like that, i'm not getting in. heck, better to see it harsher than take it too lightly. i probably don't want to know if it really is easier than i think to get into JC and Uni and get into the course i want. this year's gonna have to be miserable.. so i'd better start conditioning myself for it.. past couple of days been going nuts doing nuthin, more or less. nothing usefu. you know, like the last few days of life. spent doing, nothing.
anyway, gotta try to get into another mode. doesn't exist yet. better happen soon. haiz. i never really concentrated on studies, you know. i have no idea what i'm doing all up here. never wanted to be seen as any sort of brainiac at all. i only wish i had started doing what i really wanted to do later in life earlier. at least i'm trying to start now. i'm just sayin', if i had onyl started trying earlier and stuff, i would probably maybe perhaps have some sort of a start now, right? just maybe. i'm a pretty useless sort of guy. but at least i think a little. and do nothing about it. huhh.
i don't know. it may seem that a lot of people i actually talk to and ask about, even in RI don't really have any plans for the future. no idea what they want to do, what uni course, not even what to do in JC. i try to tell myself, hey, nevermind, you worry about yourself, cause as it is, you're more doomed than them. if they wake up a coupla years later, they'd probably still be good, cause they're like, good at pretty much everything. and you're good at like, erm, pretty much nothing. yeah.
what i'm trying to say it, you're witnessing the death of social me. hooah. for say, a year. more if this doesn't work out. suicide, yepp, my fate is sealed. let me just get into the act, beause really, if i don't try to act it, it just don't work out. haiz. what am i saying. i just need to get started.
actually, i'm worrying so much about what others are planning, i haven't really planned much myself. i know hardly anything about courses in uni and future and stuff and ways i can get a job and get contacts and stuff to get a job and stuff. man, i just want to be able to get a living doing something that i love doing. why do people make that so difficult for kids these days?
i'll be checking in on you guys online like, every single day. except maybe mondays and wednesdays, long days, probably gonna have to take the day off. and saturday morning, gotta get some extra work in there. yeah. whatever.
wish me luck. i only hope i come out this alive and sane. and walking. and stuff. i'm ectomorphic as it is. no, gonna have to fit stuff to counter that into the schedule as well..
oh well. the name stuck, and there's nothing much else i can do about it, can i. fried out.
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9:18 pm
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