recently
yesterday it rained and i told you how i sat in ...
january third, school starting in a few hours; jus...
aack. it was a trap.i know i said, but.. realizing...
school's really starting, which is going to mean n...
as the year comes to an end, things start to get s...
back to da siansian holidays again, after almost t...
i'm back. ahhah. st. johns was a beauty. whole thi...
i don't know what you're thinking, and so i don't ...
down in jamaicaone friday afternoona little birdca...
< some sentences deleted before returned >< some w...
|
please leave a message, after the post.
|
archives
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
|
the continuous chain
danne
grace
valerie
drop the fork!
jiamin
fiona
yinC
becky
ruth
yingyi
xinyi
peiyi
sokyin
amanda
pamela
brenna
tammy
rowena
raffles voices
kwoks
ahguan
rjchorale
wenhao
ruth
huilin
nikki
avonne
gen
suet
mermaid
wenyi
deb
joelle
royce
08S06S!
layout by: detonatedlove♥
|
Sunday, January 29, 2006
•
it's the new year again. diagnose me.. constant fatigue? zoning eveywhere.. i can't make things happen anymore. sometimes, just feel like going to sleep and sleep..
today church seemed really full. of people. but i couldn't see some people. maybe i'm not paying attention anymore. is it because i don't want to? can't allow myself to? when i see you i just have to back off shy away and turn and run. how do i tell kids, anything is possible when you put your mind to it, anything is possible?
i'm not doing it? i can't face you. i don't have the courage.
can't run anymore. wake up after ten hours, still feeling dead. ignore after a while, but then deadnessness by five. only sometimes.. when i'm feeling alive. i can go out. i'm dying or something. hahah.'
suddenly ns is looking pretty. everything's decided for you; what you have to do, how you're going to train your body and mind. at the very least they tell you how to decide. it just seems so much easier. fewer things would relate to real life then, it seems. i wouldn't have to handle all this. but what the heck is 'all this'. what the hell am i doing.
i'll finish my studies, i'll do my time, i'll go to U, i'll get a job to fund the studies, i'll learn while i still can.. i'll find someone to spend life with, and then some, i'll earn and spend, i'll build, i'll live in God's house and then the world. i'll grow old, i'll crush again but more, i'll turn away from the smog if i can. i'll live, i'll teach my children, i'll love still as always. but it'll matter more to me; and then my love will be taken away from me, one at a time, and then there'll be nothing left of me but this body. i'll die but once, i'll go to Him, i'll weep where no one is supposed to. can anyone mourn for eternity? for what? for friends cast in flames, for love given and not recieved, for concern in the mind but not shown, for my own sheer stupidity? for things i can do now, but won't, and then kill my spirit for?
help.
0 comments
11:36 pm
|