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Wednesday, November 16, 2005
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heck.
i want to see you again
it's been so long.
seriously. i don't know how i forgot all about it. was it when you went away? when i grew up? somehow.. somewhere, you just left my life. but it can't be, because you were my first, whether we knew it or not.
things go slow, then so quickly, then slow again. i want to see you, but.. when i imagine it, it would be so awkward.. i'm yet a child. how can i face you?
but i don't want to wait. i want to be able to just call you with this number you left, meet you in some obscure cafe down by the river, and just talk about times past, times since then, and our futures.. but i just know i don't dare. when i prepare myself in my mind, it always might work out, but when the time comes, my mouth is shut, my mind is blank. why?
i try to tell myself, give it some time, when you're older, gained more experience, you'll have more confidence in yourself. don't feel like a little boy then. but i fear.. when that time comes, it'll still be as it is now. because time passes for everyone. you're a little older now, and we'll both be in time. but what can i do..
i can't say, because i don't know.
these days seem so alone. maybe it's cause i haven't made enough provenance for these times? it must be so..
i want to do something else. like the arrow drawn back, shot over the yonder. where will it fly? whence will it land? all is uncertain, but some things we'll know; it'll brnig to some, word of fear, of death, and to others, hope, security and rescue. some might learn or it's strength, it's direction, it's forsight, some may see just an arrow.
but one thing is for certain. i released that arrow, not with any machinery or whatnot, just a longbow and unbarbed arrow. i know that i send it, and it is proof that i sent it.
so may it be whereever i go.
hopefully not alone, but if it must be.. let this cup pass from me.
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8:22 pm
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