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danne |
Friday, July 29, 2005
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down to the deskcover your head everything's small every noise an echo nothing means anything anything is everything everything becomes what i can see from down at the desk under my arms today was.. ineventful. i'm pushing my luck, really. homework, projects, assignments, failing those tests all the time.. what's gonna happen in the end? whatever it is.. i'll accept it, becaus ei have to, and because i should.. but why do i have to make it this way? pure stupidity.. but why? then why again? then yet again? handed in my proposal for the next year's choir ExCo.. it's a joke really. but i'm serious about it. lol. seriously joking, jokingly serious. when one sits down and thinks about it, it sudden;y appears that there are few ways out. here's a duty i must accept, i fear.. but i'll have to embrace, cause i'll force myself to. cause it's for the good of the choir. the people of the years past have given me something so valuable, and cherished.. i hope to give this on to the future people. whether or not i think they deserve it. because the truth is, i see so few who are worthy, and so many who are spoiling the creme de la crop. and then.. the others who just linger. diluting such a group of people who can be a potent force for brotherhood, and friendship, and love and music, in Singapore and around the region, at least, if not in the world. it's about longing and desire, passion and commitment, a goal and the common and sole purpose; to strive for it. but such magnificent, perfect conditions are impossible.. so i'll do what i can, if it goes as is best, as i try to make it. i'l try to make these people into the best they can be. because although Toh may say, we have great potential that is yet to be realized, i see it in a separate, yet not different light. these people can make good now; bring people together to share and make music. they just have to realize that they can. it's not quite so far away as realizing potential; we have the power to realize it now, just that these people.. they will not be motivated by music itself. i have not an inkling why. the thing is.. it lies right before us. all we have to do is grab it; the thing is, these people don't realize how close it all is, what we could have done in all the time we wasted. we just have to start doing it. ... ... anyway, i've submitted my resume, and my projected ExCo. it lies in the hands of God now. and more.. directly? the sec 4s. it'll turn out alright. because how well it turns out is all based on what we expect, and how we accept the outcome. i want it to be okae, and i expect it to be okae; if it's not okae enuff, i'll find a way, somehow, to make it okae. so it will be, okae. * * * after school, we were supposed to see Mrs Koh for some mysterious reason.. turns out we'll get compensated for the flight that was cancelled and cause us to take a bus, tripling the travelling time and causing us to be late and having to postpone several events. it was all handled well at that time, but i still that God that we will be compensated. five hundred dollars. Singapore Dollars, i expect. but anyhow.. it'll go to my savings fund for next year's trip =) such nice people.. so i realize, it's not always a bad thing to remember the bad things about others.. provided you do it with good intentions. mrs koh has always been keeping track a bit of me, haha.. cause i always mood swing in choir one.. v confusing to them, i expect, cause they probably see a lot more of me, emotionally, than anyone else.. somebody go and extra lorh, and mrs koh found out that there was some problem getting cash to go for this year's trip.. parents dowan to pay lorh.. so inde end i managed to say, this thing once in four years what(which it turns out that it wouldn't be), once in a lifetimechance mah(ditto, and i hope cont, in JC, lol..), lemme go lorh.. so they say can lorh, cept i take out 1K interest free loan, lol.. i pay back wif my saving lah. i can save one. everyday at sch can survive on water one, lol.. since primary sch i can waste water, even save da 2 dollars a day, lol.. so tt one was settled. anyways, mrs koh somehow found out, then asked me about it, ask take loan frmo who, paid back already or nt.. so inde end she suggested, i accented(tho i probably didn't have much choir, lol, mrs koh is very erm, determined, haha.. and that's usually a good thing.. =] ), and so the five hundred bucks in goodness knows what currency(if it's Euros i say yayy =P) goes to the fund to save for next year's trip, whoppee. as she predicted, as soon as i came back and told my parents about the trip next year and the refunded cash, straightaway first things that came to their mind way, nopenopenope, not going to pay a cent for yet another stupid trip to go to some stupid competition where there's no prize money, nothing nothing nothing, no reason to go. so i says, fine whatever, i'll get the money somehow. i found an ad in the class ads two days ago about some singing assignment @ esplanade, lol, pretty long ago huh, for a class. ad. anyways, gonna try to convince geof to come along if anything comes of it, then i'll give a call and see what happens. otherwise.. the search is on. actually, it was on all the time, that esplanade thing was just a one time assignment, lol.. anyways, we'll see what happens.. two of us meeting on monday @ geof's place to settle the CD thing.. yea. anyways, whilst writing the so-called projected ExCo plan, was thinking a lot about sec ones and twos.. haha.. i have this problem with remembering names, unless it's someone who actually becomes pretty darn noticable, lol.. anyways, i'm pretty much mix around with all the batches in choir at any point of time one, lol, since i came in at sec one, already kinda.. lol. yea, irritating to da upper sec, i guess.. maybe.. but anyways, since they became exco, started becoming more distant, i took a hint and screwed off. i guess they're really busy with admin and stuff, but so sad, i'll always miss those 6.30 am soccer sessions before choir prac on saturdays, lol.. maybe i'll get a chance to reinstate, but it'll never be the same without those guys. i have a thing with people older than me, huh.. lol.. maybe cause i can't stand immatureness..? but people say i'm kinda immature, but that's just a part of me, i guess. i hopp around a lot, so you see stuff. there are times to be serious, and times to just joke around and make people happy and relaxed when their all stressed up(like during mealtimes when we were overseas training like mad @ da hotel for the competition), and then there are times when certain serious matters, as they may appear, need to be taken more lightly, if even a bit. i guess it's a matter of opinion. woww, this is turning out to be a long piece of.. thing. lol.. dotz. whatever.. anyways, i was just looking at the sec ones(figuratively -.-), then it's like, their all stoning around, or making a fool of themselves, tring to suck up to seniors for no good reason, or it's just something else, how on earth am i to know exactly, i'm not them. but kangjie seems to be the special one.. lol.. i wonder why he didn't go on the trip, of all sec ones.. i hope it's not because of financial problems. you just gotta have willpower for that kinda thing, and the confidence to stand up and asy, i'll find my way around it, no matter what you're gonna to to stop me, it really comes from just having good, true friends who you know you can depend on when the tide comes in. so i hope he's not having problems in that way.. cause he's really probably the only decent sec one, overall-wise, lol.. unusual. it'a probably a bad thing. shows that future generations are getting more.. screwed up. okae, so it is a bad thing. go figure. what can we do; we aren't the one rasing these generations of kids after us. our parents totally messed with us, cause they all generally got a bit of metal problem, transferring from the post-independance era to the modern. so we had to grow up to find our own ways to handle them, learn our moral values from somewhere other than home, and somehow not all become jerks and b****s. i think we did pretty okae. from sec ones to little kids who have just entered primary school.. it shows, really. may eb i'm being harsh on them, their just kids, but i believe that as humans, we have been made to live up to whatever expectations that are made of us. we become only as good as we are expected to be; both by ourselves, and by others, cause in the end, what others expect of you will affect what you expect of you, somehow.. parents nowadays are going soft. i'm serious. their not close enuff with their kids.. so these softy kids who more or less got everything they want, or might want(cause these parents do go and buy all the "in" stuff for them, would you believe it. a primary one or two kid with this huge reebok bag i've been eying, and so many lugging billabong bags around and throwing them about. obviously have no idea what these names mean to earlier generations, lol.. i'm becoming a brand advert or something. shoo, shut up advert guy.). okae. that's a long bracket. it reflects a sad story of the Singapore that will be after our few batches hand over the baton, throw in the towel and just give up, go home and retire.. lol... these kids just have incredibly thick skin in asking for things, and are completely shameless about behaving in public, lol.. but is it better than if they were all little muggers and quite kias, sitting quietly in the corner of the MRT? hmm.. howabout if they were all posing around all the time, lol, superficial wanna-be pai kia-s.. lol.. wld tt be worse? lol.. naahh.. haha.. cause we're a good mix. my batch.. i think my batch, plus minus one or two, we would be the remainder.. the stuff that's left after the really strong stuff has been taken away.. like the lower-fat milk at the bottom after the richer stuff, the cream layer has been removed from the settling fresh milk.. lol.. yea. weird symbology, but what the heck. but the main point is.. all this sucks.. but it could be worse.... couldn't it? >.< just like that, the week flew by.. next monday is full day of, whopee.. seems the two full days off a year tradition won't be broken just because there's no more O level results to celebrate.. first the sports season, then the arts and academics season.. lol.. whatever lorh. the days off suit me just fine =) so monday i'll be out frmo da morn.. busy doing stuff, hoho.. but i'll prob end up being back after i take lunch, so tally ho.. change up and head down to choir at church? hmm.. maybe i'll just go direct. aiyahh, just see where i end up in the end.. nowadays i don't get much random exploration fo Singapore time liaoz, lol, not hardly for a long while.. monday won't exactly be, cause there is stuff i have to do, lots of it, and i'll be lugging a lot of stuff around, especially if i'm going direct to choir.. lol... so see how lorh. impromptu a bit lah, heh heh. tally ho, then. till next time. (betcha thinking, next time beter not be so long ah, otherwise i'll just skip through instead of reading.. haha..) 7:38 pm |