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Monday, July 25, 2005
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haiz.. back late again. if 8pm is late. it's kinda middlish by standards, but who cares. nobody, lol. so nevermind.
interviews will begin.. next week? think so. choir.. haiz. dunno what to say. sec 3s are wierd.. and divided. haiz. how can anything happen liddis. divided we fallll......
so many things make no sense at all when it comes to human behavior lorh.. why should familiarity breed contempt?? haiz.. but it does, and i've experienced it.. all too painfully. so i'm kinda wary about getting to know people, i think.. casue, you know. but then again it's kinda hard t get to know people that well if i keep being the way i am, isn't it? takes so long for me to open up. haha.. well i'd like to say it depends on the people, which may be true, but i can't be sure. haiz. whatever.
maybe even travelling is a scam. it would just meant that i would know loads of people all over pretty well, but not neary well enuff. for anything. blehh.. crapshyt. what on earth is going on, the thoughts behind the thoughts that i'm aware of? the things that i think of unknowingly, the things that i decide to do without knowing what or why? how much don't i know, anyway??
haizz.. dunno what to do. people are giving me the fake laughter. online. meetings are weird. haiz.. to read minds. would be such a plague, i know, but just at certain points, to know about certain things that someone else is thinking about, then.. aiyahh.
but then why don't i just ask.
cause i can't..
whatever lah.. maybe it's all full of crap, maybe it isn't. everything is geting fuzzy, i don't know what people are thinking, and now i wonder what a lot of people are thinking. even more than i was used to. so i totally dunno what to do. i guess it'll just come, and i'll do something in the spur, then it'll be over, and i'll be like, that was it? then the results will come, and i'll be both regretful and at the same time, having to be acceptant, so as not to seem ungrateful.. cause i don't want to be.
whatever.. this is crap.
everything just gets wierder and wierder. bio J Lim is leaving sch for america on some weird teacher thingy programme, so goodness knows what happens to bio after that. spent much of the period discussing the difference bewteen excretion and defaecation, she did. said teaching was about acting.. what kind of crap it that. ughh. dumb JLim.
i don't want to live life like i'm in some sort of drama. things shouldn't happen because i'm acting.
i've thrown my mask away, some time ago. i will not put it on again.
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8:46 pm
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