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layout by: detonatedlove♥
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Thursday, April 19, 2007
•
time flies -
and then, no need to endure anymore ; !
time dies..
quoth gabriel; i count the weeks, not the days..
everything seems to disappear before it actually happens. without anything, everything just passes. people will leave eventually, and the stupidness just sets in even before, for lack of a better word. bah. it's both a preempt of things that will be even more convulated and painful in the most conflicting way, and a document to reflect the past. huhh. but well, people don't like the past. so, ok.
don't really know what's happening right now. maybe i'm just getting numb. bah. stupid. you know that whole slowly turning into a zombie scenario from KI? it just feels so much like that. i just don't know anymore. dead from fatigue.
at the same time somehow able to lust over the short-term material. certain projects i want to undertake, certain tools neccessary.. only things that don't depend on others. it just sucks, i tell you. it's something to do, but it sucks when you think about all the could-bes. can i spam names for the sake of it? AKG C420 Headset Cardioid Condenser Microphone, 13" ibook with leopard and xp, and some software i can use(adobe thing ivan has?), Panasonic Lumix DMC-TZ3, and the Intuos3 6x8 drawing tablet which i've wanted for the longest time.. haha.. ok, that should meet the demands of geekiness.
art is awesome, but i just wish i could actually devote more time to it. pah. wish i had started into it so much earlier. now it's so touch and go, and it's irritating that 'teach has to get upset about stuff. to be able to devote all my time to this and music and PT, hahh, that would rock.
***
somehow i keep coming back to the same thing.. it's about commitment, to spend time together, to experience one another and do stuff together. and it's really not about occupying the same space. about feeling and beginning to understand.. somewhat, anyway. love my chorale seniors, haha.. adrian, wenhao have really changed, somehow.. things to learn. weisong and chinee in some other ways, lol, but that's another thing. and it's always great to spend time together talking about anything, with ruth and huilin, avonne. haiz. which is kinda part of the whole time thing.
thinking about people and lives. architecture will hopefully become all that, maybe i'll be able to contribute something, somewhere, but the most important stuff in the end isn't benefiting the world, but doing something for the people i care about. hope i'll really have the opportunity to do that much in this life.. through all the ideals and scripts that one writes for oneself to play out.
and in the end all there is is, not to be nothing. to know that we've impacted people. to know that we are loved.
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9:55 pm
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