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danne |
Thursday, June 30, 2005
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just finished reading a great book.. wish they had those linky things like in xanga, for book or music.. lol.. maybe i'll switch someday..nahh... anyways.. just finished reading a really great book.. i mean, there are loads of book about people who get some terminal disease and are dying then there are touching stories and people around them and stuff.. but this one is great.. haha.. after so much yada yada.. yea.. it's Always and Forever, by Lurlene Mcdaniel.. okae, so it's two novels, but they're connected.. it's like, part one and aprt two, jsut that they called it two novels.. yea.. Too Young to Die and Goodbye Doesn't Mean Forever... yea well.. if you feel like it, really bored someday, go hunt it down in the library.. or something. it's really reminded me of a lot of things, even irrelevant stuff, like things do when i'm just getting along with life.. haha.. gonna spit a lot of stuff out.. whateveryy.. anyways.. loads of thoughts.. then like, they start fading.. hahaha.. irrelevant, irrelevant~! okae.. i was just thinking.. i mean, it's always nice to have someone who's always there for you, if you catch my drift.. two people hanging on to something for each other. sometimes it can just fix everything.. having someone whom you know cares to just throw everything inside you out and up at. then some people have siblings.. i mean, like, real close.. i dunno why.. but never was really close to evelyn. was just that way. can i blame it on the environment we were brought up in? to put it nicely.. my parents are really down-to-earth people. always going on about degrees, and jobs, and education. yea. so we never got really close. at all. put nicely. but this is my time to dream, hey? just do it now, blam, one period of psychotic behaviour which nobody understands. even teachers are giving me wierd looks, like i need a shrink or something.. whatever.. ugh.. i'm screwing up big time, aren't i.. people tell me, guys cry less than girls, why. typical not-that-familiar-wish-each-other girl-to-guy talk. all sort of funny questions. but for some reason.. i mean, emotions can be pent up inside, but just won't come out, you know? haha.. maybe you don't.. it's like a balloon.. blown up, puff puff puff.. arghargh.. gonan explode liaoz.. already so tight, so full, just poke me and boOmz.. budden, suddenly something, someone lets some air out.. so it feels less tense for a while.. because it is; less tense than before. but it's still there, the tension.. and sooner or later we're gonna get blown up again.. but just can't release it all.. then when we explode, we just break down and cry. it happens. but maybe it's the way God made us.. although i always say society is what the society makes it, men are always expected to put up some front, or something.. like defenders of something.. the faith. dunno what i'm talking about. but maybe it's just like that. emotions just puff puff puff, blown inside us, too much too much, but cannot explode, cause it's not the extreme limit yet, because we're slowly blown up, as we realise things around us, as we do more things.. but when suddenly it all comes crashing down, when it's just too much to take at one time, pOff.. but we never learn our lesson. after it's exploded, we just stupidly pick up another balloon from the pile and place it on the nozzel again.. and so it goes on. just like life has to go on. sometimes i wish i wasn't the oldest. it sucks quite a lot, actually.. always being compared to others, and stuff.. and nobody to turn to. nt tt nt being the oldest wld make it easier, but.. one would expect it to be riight? nobody ever wrote stories of older siblings confiding in younger siblings.. blahh. i feel like time stopped, but nt in a good way.. like i'm stuck in this situation.. and there's no way to fix it, to get out of this trap.. temporarily something distracts me.. maybe i feel happier, maybe i get pissed off about something else that doesn't affect me emotionally so much, maybe i get preoccupied with something else for a while.. but in the end just get thrown back to reality.. that's why we do stupid stuff, i guess.. blow off a bit of steam sometimes, bash around and get bashed around, and just make plain stupid jokes.. dunno what to say. can i say that's just the way it is? nothing will stop me singing: it's just whether it's sad, of happy, or excited, or anticipating, or... ... 10:28 pm |